Where there's smoke, there's fire

Last weeks class wasn't too bad. The classes weren't as intense as they have been lately. For those of you who aren't aware, Oregon has/had several forest fires going on. Since we live in a valley, the smoke from the 2 local fires just laid in the valley. Because the smoke in the air really aggravates the lungs, class has been more relaxed. Tuesday's class was fairly easy. I walked in to find my frienemey was back on break from school. I didn't know they had a break this soon, but she was back for the Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday classes. Since there was smoke in the air and it was hot from the fires, sensei decided to have us work on blending exercises. These were quite helpful and I enjoy working on them. The only throws we actually did were soto kaitenage and kokyunage.

For kaitenage, sensei used me as uke. Sensei started off easy, but soon he was using hip to get me to fly through the roll. Things were going good…. until they weren't. HAHA. One time he threw me and as I was in the air, I could feel myself out of position for the roll. I don't know how it happened; all I knew was that the landing would hurt unless I got myself back into position. I could tell that I was going to land on my shoulder if I did something, so my main goal was to get my shoulder out of harms way. Well, I successfully got my shoulder out of the way and did an awkward roll. I knew it must have looked bad because sensei looked at me with concern and said "Is your shoulder okay!?!" I got up and smiled (mainly because I was not injured at all, but also out of embarrassment for such an awful roll), stated that I was not injured and grabbed his wrist for him to throw me some more. Sensei threw me a few more times, but these were a bit slower. HAHA.

After class I told my husband that the roll must have looked pretty bad for sensei to be so concerned. (When asked if I can do something, sensei tells them "She can take care of herself." I know he means this as a compliment to me and that he thinks highly enough of my ukemi that I am capable of taking care of myself) With a smile on his face, my husband told me the roll looked really bad and that it looked more like a side roll beginners do. I could not help but laugh at that comment (as I have been doing forward rolls since 1999 in my previous style). In all seriousness though, despite the fact that my roll was horrendous looking, I am proud of myself that I was able to realize I was out of position and instead of panicking and injuring myself, I somehow managed to get out of my own way enough to do a roll that kept me safe. It may not have been a picturesque roll, but their purpose is to help you land safely and that is just what I did.

For kokyunage I worked with the previously mentioned frienemy. Well, while working on the technique this person kept elbowing me in the throat. It didn't really hurt, but it was feeling rather uncomfortable, especially when I could feel things moving around in my throat that shouldn't be. Well, I didn't think anything of it and went on to the tai chi class after. Well, on our way home I realized that my throat was beginning to hurt. At first I thought that maybe I was getting sick because it felt an awful lot like the two times I have had a major throat infection over the course of my life. I pulled out a flashlight when I got home and inspected my throat. It was all red and aggravated looking. I felt my throat and it wasn't swollen, but the right side of my throat by my trachea was quite tender to the touch. The next day it was a bit worse and my voice was a bit harsh. I took some spray and cough drops with me to help sooth my throat. I determined that it was a throat injury from class and not an infection. My next decision was to decide if I wanted to go to the doctor. I decided that I didn't need to go at this time. I could talk and swallow (though a bit painful), the redness was going away and I wasn't bleeding at all. I figure if it got any worse, then I would go to the doctor. Just a bit of an update, my throat is still a bit tender, but overall, it is doing so much better. I guess my trachea, esophagus and larynx or whatever else just got compressed and maybe grinded a bit.

Wednesday was the worst! The smoke was really heavy in the valley. There are two major fires about an 1 ½ hour away from us. The wind changed and brought the smoke into the valley and it just laid here. It isn't uncommon that things like this happen. Air gets stuck in our valley sometimes and then we have a "Stagnant Air Warning" and they tell you two try to not do anything outdoors requiring too much exertion. All you could smell was smoke and you couldn't even see the mountains surrounding the valley anymore. In fact, it was quite similar (maybe a bit worse) to a VERY foggy morning…. except this fog was brown. Uck. Our sempai decided to keep the windows closed for class that day because our throats would be raw by breathing the smoke. The only problem is we don't have air conditioning in our dojo. With the windows closed, there was no airflow and it quickly became sauna-like. To help us be a little cooler, sempai told us to think of the class more as a study session then a regular class. He kept telling us to slow things down and really analyze what you are doing. We mainly worked on ikkyo from katatedori and morotedori, but we also did a few other things like jujinage. Despite our efforts to stay cool, everyone was sweating, including me (and I don't really sweat much). Pretty soon, the heavy sweaters in class had the mat covered. It got to the point that when I was thrown, I would do my best not to let my face touch the mat because I didn't want to have my face in someone else's puddle of sweat. Gross! Haha.

Sensei showed up near the end of class and immediately noticed how hot it was in the dojo. Sempai explained to him why the windows were closed. Sensei told us to open up the windows anyway for the next class. Although the smoke quickly came into the dojo and that was all you could smell, the breeze/cooler air felt so great that none of us complained. The second hour we worked with the bokken and did partnered work. For the most part, I did alright, but I was getting quite frustrated near the end of the class. My partner (a sandan) was just making my frustration level worse. Sensei had showed us how to do our roles step by step. Eventually, we switched roles but sensei didn't show us step by step how to do the other persons role. Well, I had a hard time figuring out what I was supposed to do without doing it once step by step. At one point, I just stood there trying to figure out what I was supposed to do. He asked me "Where is the next logical place to attack me?" I replied "To your head." to which he responded "No." I then stood there for a while and he finally said in frustration "You attack shomen!" Hhhmm…. Is shomen not the head? This frustrated me a bit because he told me I was wrong and I wasn't'. I guess it is partly my fault because I didn't say shomen and I know there are more then one way to attack the head, but maybe a better question for him to ask after I said the head would have been "Where on the head?" Anywho, I was working with him the entire class since sensei wanted us to remain with the same partners for a change. I could tell he was getting frustrated with me, which just made me more frustrated.

I don't really recall the exact details of the other classes of the week, but I do know we worked on the following again outside of Tuesday's and Wednesday's class: ikkyo, shihonage, kotegaeshi, kokyuho and sumiotoshi. For these we either did them from katatedori, yokomenuchi and tsuki. All in all, this week was a good week and I feel like I did alright. I could have done better on some things, but I have only been training for almost 7 months… so I guess I can't have everything down. Having something down would be nice though. HAHA.


Things to remember/work on:
1.) Remain close to uke for jujinage
2.) Settle at the end of kokyunage

Pains/injuries:
1.) Wrist (Almost healed! I am now doing class without tape)
2.) Throat
3.) Left calf muscle (not sure if I hit it on nages knee or my own during ukemi…..)

I just hate saying no

Well, I was again approached (by sensei's wife) and asked if I was going to the seminar. She told me that she did have a scholarship to help me and my husband go. I told her unfortunately, since we are moving in a couple weeks and the rent is higher then where we are now that I will not be able to go. I am sure the scholarship would help out with paying for the seminar, but there is still the issue of travel, food and finding a hotel that is dog friendly or boarding her. She told me I had until the end of the night if I changed my mind.

My husband told me that I should try to go without him. At first, the idea sounded grand. I was about to hop all over that and run up to sensei and tell him that I would be there like he wanted. Then reality sunk in. I could not go to a seminar without my husband. It would not be fair to him and I would feel completely guilty the entire time. Technically, I think we could afford the money to go. It really isn't that much. I have off weekends, but my husband works retail. He is convinced that if he asks off, his hours will be cut back from that point forward (they have done this to other people evidently). He will already be asking for time off to move into our new place.

Instead of being happy that we are finally moving out of the apartment (which I have been wanting to do for quite some time) and moving into a bigger (and quieter) duplex that actually accepts pets, I am left sad wishing I could go to the seminar. We discussed me going for just a day, which would make for a long day with 6 hours total of travel, 4 hours of training and then if I stayed for the potluck. That would have me on the go from 9 a.m. till about 11-11:30 p.m. Seemed like a better idea, but there was still the issue of him needing off work and then we would definitely have to board the dog.

It is funny how you get something you want, yet you can still be sad for the things you can't or don't have. I mean, why can't I just be happy that I have a new place to live that gets me away from all the problems at our current apartment? Why can't I be happy with just training for 11 1/2 hours a week at the dojo (including iaido and tai chi). I can't help but wish I had picked up that phone and told sensei that I had changed my mind and that I alone was going. Would I have felt guilty as soon as I hung up? Would I feel guilty the whole trip knowing I got to train and my husband didn't? Would he have been secretly disappointed or upset that I went? Could we alternate seminars with me going once and him another? Sure we could, but I like the thought of sharing the experience with him… not just telling him about it.

I am pretty sure he would have been fine with me going. All I know is he wouldn't go to a seminar without me. Though I would be bummed if he went and I didn't, I would probably understand as well.... but that would never happen; he would not go without me. In the end, I came to the conclusion that my husband and I are a connected unit. Just like nage and uke, we are constantly working together as partners. I realize that Chiba sensei may not always be around and that I may not have this opportunity again for quite some time (he hasn't been in this area for two years). I also have to realize that at this point in my life, we just don't have the financial freedom to do all the great seminars that are offered throughout the year. I just have to put my big girl panties on and say "Maybe next year."

Disappointment is a part of life and I have come to realize that it is how you deal with the disappointment that determines the overall quality of those moments in your life. I still have a fantastic husband, whom I absolutely love and adore (on most days… haha), I have a new place to live where my husband and I will be happier, I have a happy go lucky shih tzu who is loyal to me as long as I keep the treats coming on a daily basis and I still get to feed my ever growing addiction to aikido by training four days a week with a great sensei. So, although I am bummed that I can't go, the disappointment has become a bit more bearable and it isn't overshadowing what should be an exciting time for me and my husband.

A lesson from nature

I take in a breath
Crisp autumn air fills my lungs,
Summer has left us

Leaves start to change
Green turns to yellow and red,
As if they're on fire

A gust of wind comes
The leaves happily give in,
Time for ukemi

Suspended on a breeze
Never fighting, always blending,
Riding the winds energy

They match the wind's speed
Lazily floating about,
Then all is quiet

The leaves flutter down
In a slow, controlled descent,
Landing silently

I watch intently
Learning from Mother Nature,
The one true uke

I realize something
Like the change of the seasons,
I too have transformed

I have a flashback
Of a time in the dojo,
It all seems so clear

Sensei smiles at me
And asks me to be uke,
What a privilege

I attack with heart
Like the leaves, I bend and flow,
Letting him lead

I'm in the moment
Letting go of everything,
Yet, still in control

My balance is gone
Both feet no longer touching,
A gentle landing

The memory fades
Leaves continue to rain down,
Enveloping me

I take in a breath
Crisp autumn air fills my lungs,
I can't help but smile

Nature's gift to me:
Be in control, yet yielding,
Always adapting

Ukemi is a workout!

Well this week has been pretty good overall. We have been doing a lot of things I have never done before and there were several things that I did that I have absolutely no idea of what the names are. Most of the classes this week I have left feeling absolutely beat! No energy and just plain tired. Part of the reason is sensei is using me as uke more and depending on the technique it can take a lot out of me. Sometimes by the end of the technique when I turn to find a partner I am dragging. Once, when I reid to my partner, I just couldn't help it and stole a few seconds rest while I was still down in my rei. A very compromising position, but it was a necessary risk at the time. HAHA. Since I am the low one on the totem pole I am usually uke first, which just makes the problem worse. At one point I worked with a higher ranker and I apologized for being slow since I was tired. He told me it was okay if my body was tired, provided my mind was still focused. I find that statement to be true because usually if you are still mentally focused, you can somehow push your body through to keep going. It is when you mentally can't push yourself anymore that you ultimately fail.

I do take it as a huge compliment that sensei uses me.. a 6th kyu as uke more and more often. I think he uses me to allow me the opportunity to work on my ukemi more. He sometimes corrects me or tells me what I should do to make the ukemi better. The experience is both mentally and physically exhausting. I think he is also trying to get me up to par so he doesn't have to use the same people as uke all the time either. Lately, a lot of the higher rankers haven't been in class, so he ends up using the same people over and over again. So, I guess I am a welcomed addition to his frequently used uke.

Some of the techniques we covered Saturday were tenchinage and double nikyo (from ryotedori), shihonage (from gyaku hanmi katatedori), ikkyo (from shomenuchi) and ikkyo and iriminage (from ai hanmi)

For some reason I am still having problems doing the omote shomenuchi ikkyo from suwariwaza. I can do the ura variation fine and I am more comfortable doing them both from standing. I just haven't figured out the timing yet. I always want to step in (which is the only way I can seem to get it to work), but then I am told that I shouldn't step in till I get uke down. If I don't step in, then I feel like I am over extended and have a hard time bringing the elbow back down so I can go into ikkyo. I guess it will come with time. In the meantime I will just sit and ponder about it.......

Iaido class went well Saturday. We covered 13 different kata. I don't know them all by name yet though, so sometimes I have to do my best to follow, yet do it at the same time they are. For the most part I have no problem with it though. It is just something that I have gotten better with over time. Just like I am better at learning with someone across from me facing me. So, I have to do what they do, but realize that I have to do it in the opposite direction then it they are.

Another scolding... I'm getting good at this...

Yesterday’s class was interesting. We had a new guy join. We took the class slow and we only ended up doing a few techniques as we were breaking everything down by doing step A, then step A and B, then A,B and C. It was actually quite beneficial for me too because I got to work on the finer points of some things that I seem to miss when I just do the entire technique. The three techniques we worked on were ai hanmi katatedori iriminage and kotegaeshi. We also did shomenuchi iriminage as well. For katatedori iriminage, we worked on two variations. The first one we did was a direct entry, which I seemed to have a tiny bit of trouble with. I just wasn’t getting my initial step in towards uke in the correct position. It will come with time though. The other version we did involved a full tenkan and then threw uke. This one I felt a bit more comfortable with. For this technique I worked with the new guy. As soon as we reid to each other he said “This is my first day. Take it easy on me. Okay?” I assured him that I would be careful with him. He didn’t do too bad. Sensei came over and offered him some advice or threw me to demonstrate either nage pointers. I didn’t do the technique to him too many times. I figured I would give him the chance to throw me. The few times I did it to him, I just took him to the point where I was stretching him and he was off balance. Then I let him back up. Sensei came back over and threw me again trying to tell him how to take proper ukemi for the technique. Explaining that it is safer to turn your face towards nage instead of away (because you can get hit in the face/nose or get put into a choke easier) and had him watch how I lifted my feet up towards the ceiling when I landed on the mat. He explained that this was to help disperse the energy for when I was thrown hard (which sensei then demonstrated). When it was my turn to throw him again (after he threw me about 6 more times) I asked him if he wanted to take ukemi and go to the mat. He said he would like to try. I got him to the point where he would fall, explained which leg to step back with and then let him fall on his own volition. I still kept a hold of him to prevent him from crashing to the mat since he was a bit stiff, but overall, I thought he did fairly well.

For shomenuchi iriminage, I had a difficult time trying to figure out my timing to enter. Once sensei told me to enter as soon as nage lifted his arm to attack, most of my problems seemed to disappear. Amazing how changing one little thing can affect the entire technique. After we worked on that we did katatedori kotegaeshi. For this sensei chose me to be his uke. At first both me and the guy next to me both reid to him and then we both began to rise to be uke… then we both got confused and weren’t sure who sensei meant to be uke. Finally, I figured out it was me, said I was sorry and I ran out to be his uke. I thought I did a fair job over all, but I could have blended a bit better then I did. That is something I continue to work on. Once class was over, sensei left and the rest of us were sitting in the circle. We all thanked each other. One of my sempai’s (3rd dan maybe) then looked at me and told me that I took too long to get up to be sensei’s uke. He told me I should be like a spring and rush right up there. He said it was a privilege that I was asked and that other sensei’s wouldn’t be as nice as mine was to me with my mistake. I wanted to tell him that I wasn’t sure he meant me and neither did the student next to me and that as soon as I realized my error, I rushed right up there. Instead, I reid to him and said the only thing I could… “Hai sempai.”

I walked out of the dojo feeling guilt stricken. I thought about all the other times I had been sensei’s uke and how I rushed up there as soon as he looked at me. I knew that this sempai had seen me be sensei’s uke before and he must know that it isn’t my nature to keep sensei waiting….. As we walked to the changing room, my husband snapped me out of my thinking by saying “You know, I couldn’t tell if he was looking at you or the other person either.” As I changed for tai chi, I debated on whether this warranted an apology to sensei (I decided it didn’t, as I said sorry to him already) as I continued to think about the situation. I came to the conclusion that I did make a mistake and that I would try to prevent this from happening again. As I began to walk back up to the dojo, sempai then confronted me again and told me that it is a great opportunity to be his uke and said not too many people get to grab a hold of “the big guy” (sensei is 6th dan). I acknowledged him with a slight bow and said thank you. I remember trying to smile, but I do not recall if it actually made it to my face or not…..

After tai chi class, I began to walk up to sensei to talk to him about a personal matter. As soon as I reached him he asked “Are you going to see sensei?” This was at least our third conversation about the seminar in Eugene and I had already mentioned that my husband and I didn’t have the money at this time. I know he already knew my answer, but I think he is sincerely trying to plant the seed in my head that I need to go. Sensei….. I get the hint. :O) I again told him that we just didn’t have the money at the moment. He then told me to talk to his wife and that she may be able to come up with a scholarship for us to go. I told him that I would talk with her next time I saw her. He then asked me if my wrist was alright (I had it taped up). I told him that it was more for support then injury. After the rest of our chat, I told him that I would see him tomorrow. Once I got back to my husband we began to walk to the car. I told him that sensei asked again if we were going to the seminar and told him that they said they might be able to give up a scholarship. I explained that I have no idea how much of a scholarship it would be, so we would still have to see if it would allow us to go or not. I then thought to myself “I wonder if any of the hotels are dog friendly?” Then I thought to myself “What would happen if she barked and whined the entire time we were away!?!” I guess sensei really wants us to go to this seminar. So, I almost feel like I need to look into things and at least make an effort to go.

Till next time…..

::sigh::

Well, this week was interesting. We worked on a lot of things. One of the girls who left for the summer came back for school. It is always interesting working with her. She has been training for a year and a half or so, yet she seems rather confused. At one point she said that I should go first. I humored her that once, but refused the rest of the time. Though I feel I have surpassed her, she has still been training longer then I. Since we are both 6th kyu, that means that she is my sempai. We worked on ikkyo, kotegaishi and a few other things that night.
I do not reacall Wednesday's class at all. Gah. I need to start blogging more often so I can actually remember what we did. I remember attempting to do yonkyo, but I still haven't figured this one out. I guess we will move onto Thursday! I show up to class and as I walk in I see a new girl. Since I hadn't seen her before, I assumed that she was watching to see if she was interested in aikido. Turns out that she was to join in class that day. Since I was the only female, sempai had me take her downstairs, help her put on her gi, tie her belt and I showed her how to rei when stepping on the mat.

For our first technique that night, sempai asked me to be uke. We were down in suwariwaza and he had his side turned toward me. I had no idea what we were working on, but I thought he wanted me to grab his shoulder.... so I did. WRONG! He wanted to work on katatedori ikkyo (omote and ura). HAHA. So, once I did the correct grab, he showed us what to do. Once he was done demonstrating, I reid to another student. I had assumed since I was relatively new, though the highest ranked (other then sempai) that sempai would work with her. Instead, sempai had me work with her instead. I was both surprised and honored at the same time. She didn't do too bad. It's kind of funny that last week sensei said he wanted to get more females in the dojo and then a girl came back from summer break and now this new girl joins. :O) Truth be told, I actually enjoyed being the only female. We also worked on sankyo from suwariwaza, which I have never done before. In my moment of panic while trying to figure out how on earth I was going to move around him fast enough from injuring my wrist more sempai told me "This is where you stand up." I quickly obeyed and my wrist ended up being alright. We worked on a couple other techniques as well, but I don't really recall them. I believe nikyo was one of them though.

Saturday's class was rather intense. Part of the reason is just that it was so humid. Evidently, I am getting used to the no humidity environment (east coast is notorious for this... ack) We worked on the ushiro version of ikatadori kkyo in both omote and ura from suwariwaza. Surprisingly, I found this version much easier. In fact, if given the choice, I would choose this over the other any day. I just felt that I was able to stretch uke out more with this variation. We also worked on the same thing from standing. We also worked on techniques from yokomenuchi: shihonage, kokyuho and ikkyo. I did shihonage alright, but I was really struggling on the other two. I had never done them before and I just couldn't seem to get the spacing right. We also worked on tsuki kokyuho and ikkyo.

The class was challenging, but I enjoyed it. It made sense that the class was geared a bit more advanced since most of the students there were higher ranked then I was. Only me and another new guy were 6th kyus. The rest were 3rd kyu and up. All of us wers quite sweaty and were running low on energy. The humidity was causing my hair to fall from its ponytail. I fixed it at least 6 times during that class! At least the other female was having the same problems as me. Eventually, sensei must have felt bad for us because he ended up having us all get bokkens and we worked on a few exercises. We worked on easy stuff (which I also need to work on) and it seemed like the new guy was able to handle what we were doing just fine.

At the end of class, sensei made the statement that Chiba sensei is coming to Eugene and that he encouraged all of us to attend even if we thought we were too new to go. He was looking at me as he said this. The funny thing is, that is what I was thinking. Either way, I won't be going. My husband and I just don't have the money at this point. Not to mention, I would be hopelessly lost and it would all be over my head.


Things to work on/remember:
1.) Extend my arms more above my head when striking shomen in iaido2
.) Draw your sword as you rise up from seiza
3.) Tuck head into arm when being thrown during shihonage
4.) Curl fingers in (like a fist) to protect yourself from jamming your fingers when being thrown during shihonage
5.) There are more things, but I can't put them into words yet

Pains/injuries:
1.) Sore right shoulder
2.) Sore right wrist
3.) Sore right hamstring (nothing major, just stretched a bit)