Me & Sensei

Stop Killing the Air

Well, I have officially survived my first weekend seminar. The seminar was a weapons seminar hosted by Eugene Aikikai and taught by Mike Flynn Sensei. The seminar involved some jo work, but it mainly focused on working with the bokken. It was mentally exhausting, but it really was an eye opening experience. In exchange for sweat, blisters, raw skin, mental fatigue, sore muscles and lack of sleep, I gained a better sense of self awareness and met some great people.

The seminar started off Friday night with me sitting off on the side observing. Friday night was just for yudansha, but sensei had me sit in my gi incase I was invited to join. I was secretly hoping the invitation wouldn't happen, as I was still nervous. I did my best to REALLY watch what he was doing and imagined myself out there on the mat practicing. Everything they were doing I had done at one point or another, which was comforting. About halfway through the class, I was invited onto the mat because they had an odd number of students training. By this point, I was no longer nervous. I just wanted to train and I wanted to do my best. It isn't every day that every partner I work with is a yudansha…

I worked with my sensei for a while. One person would have the jo and the other would be empty-handed. The person with the jo would then tsuki and the other person would then use the jo to throw their partner. Despite the fact I have done several variations of this at one point or the other (including the seminar), when it came time to do whatever move you wanted, I couldn't seem to remember them all anymore. That night after class, a bunch of us went out to McMenamins for food and beer. It allowed me to get to know a few other people at the seminar, which was really nice. After we ate and drank to our hearts content, we went back to the house we were staying at and shot some pool for a while. Somewhere around midnight, we decided we should get some sleep since we had to get up at seven.

The next morning came all too quickly and I wanted nothing more then an extra hour or two of sleep, but I forced myself to get up and get ready for the day ahead. Little did I know that today would be "bokken day" and we ended up doing over 5 hours of bokken work. By the end of the day, my hands were raw and sore. I rubbed the skin off of the back of my left thumb because it was constantly rubbing against my right hand. I thought I was going to get blisters on parts of my left hand, but it turns out that it didn't happen. YAY!

Flynn sensei started us off with the very basics of bokken work and tried to give us a foundation to build upon. He told us that we would have to stay vigilant and be diligent about our movements. His most common complaint was that we were all too tense. At one point he stopped all of us and asked us what the most important thing in the room was. People spoke out random answers- center, ki, relaxation, tension, focus, etc. Finally Flynn sensei answered his own question "Air. You can't breathe without it. So, why are all of you trying to kill my air!?!" This caused the entire dojo to fill with laughter. He then went to demonstrate some of the power cutting that was being done and said that it was not necessary and explained that it was a waste of energy and it was not very efficient.

We all went back to building the calluses up on our hands and creating blisters in spots where our hands weren't tough. My focus would be shattered by his periodic intense "NO!" and he would stop us once again to explain what several of us were doing incorrectly. At one point, he said "You aren't being digilent!" and he paused and sort of made a face as he realized the word came out wrong. "Digilent means being diligent and vigilant at the same time. I just created a new word!" At that, laughter once again erupted and we began to go back to working on our cuts. Right before lunch, he had use work on shiho & happo giri and the eight suburi. At one point, Flynn sensei said "Why are you so tense?" I didn't know he was talking to me so I continued with my suburi, so he said "You don't want to talk about it?" I realized he was talking to me and immediately stopped and said "I'm sorry, I didn't realize you were talking to me sensei." and bowed. He again asked "Why are you so tense?" I repsonded honestly, "I didn't know I was. I will relax more." I then bowed and he went on his way to help others. By the end of this class, we were all running low on energy and I think most of us were looking forward to our lunch break. Before we could go though, Flynn sensei told us to do the eight suburi from suwariwaza if our knees could handle it. I was able to do it, but I felt like a horse clodding along the whole time. Then, we bowed out for our two hour lunch break. YES!

By lunch time, my poor left hand was quite sore. I felt as if I would get blisters on a few spots on my hand. I don't think it is from not holding the sword correctly, but instead, my hands aren't used to several straight hours of bokken work. I got back from lunch early and did my best to put some tape on a few areas. It didn't really work though because those areas aren't easily taped… so I figured I would just sort of deal with it and I took off the tape I just spent fifteen minutes putting on.

After lunch we worked on some partnered kumitachi. For the most part, I seemed to work with other low ranking kyu's. I was surprised to learn that there were people there with less experience then me. I found this to be comforting in that I wasn't alone, but at the same time, I often found myself telling my partner what the next move was because they forgot. I also didn't have an idea of who was what rank, so more often then not, I asked my partner to go first. The problem was, when they did something wrong, I didn't feel like it was my place to correct them. Sometimes they would tell me something that was wrong... so then I was in the spot of doing what they said, even if it was wrong or speaking up.

Towards the end of the day, we split up in groups and the yudansha stayed inside and all the kyu's went outside. We went outside and worked on some simple partner exercises. I didn't mind it because it allowed me to get to know Thoms sensei better and get a taste for his teaching style. I have decided that I like him and the next time I am in Eugene for work, I am going to try to stop by and train at their dojo. Most of the partners I worked with seemed to be having problems with sore legs. Since my legs were still holding up fine, I let them do the technique six times or more and then I would only do the technique four times so they weren't squatting as long. Eventually, our day came to an end and we all went back inside to call it a day.

A few hours after the seminar, a potluck was being held at our host's house, which turned out to be quite convenient! Once we got back to her house, I showered, called my husband and then went upstairs to help get ready. The potluck was a lot of fun. Everyone who came brought either food or alcohol. There was a decent variety of wine to sample from, so that is what I pretty much stuck to. I got to mingle and chat with a few of the sensei's who were at the seminar and I really enjoyed getting to know them better. At one point, everyone started to play pool. We decided to play guys versus girls. Well it turns out, that my partner and I were undefeated for about 7 or 8 games of pool. Some of our wins were from technicalities, but a win is a win right!?! I had been playing against my sensei for several games and it got to the point that if he was in my way, he refused to move. HAHA. We ended up winning that game anyway…… at one point during the game, sensei told me "I hope you like nikyo. Lots and lots of nikyo!" We had all been drinking and were having a good time, so some of us had started some friendly trash talking. We were trying to distract each other by making jokes or what not. At one point during the last game, sensei threatened Elmer "If you don't win this game, I am going to kick your ass tomorrow!" Elmer even resorted to wiggling his butt in front of the corner pocket while I was going for my shot. It turns out that Elmer and his partner beat us that game, ending our winning streak. So sensei didn't have to kick his ass after all. By this point, it was after midnight and we decided to call it a night.

The next day I woke up with a headache, which was no surprise with the copious amount of red wine that was consumed the night before. I really should have been smarter because I know red wine can trigger my migraines… but it is so good! Anyway, I groggily got up from the coziness of my sleeping bag and quickly took some Excedrin. I began packing up my clothes, sleeping bag and other miscellaneous crap I had taken with me. I went upstairs and decided to have some cinnamon life for breakfast. That is the breakfast of champions you know….

The last day of the seminar started off with jo, which was quite nice. It would allow my still sore hands a bit of a reprieve. We worked on some basic strikes and responses for a while. I pretty much worked with kyu's, but I did get to work with Aki Fleshler sensei, who I must say is very nice. He was very patient with me and tried to explain the finer points of the technique we were working on (makiotoshi). Eventually, Flynn sensei had us put down our jo's and grab our bokken again. He reminded us that we had to stay "digilent" We worked on some kumitachi a bit. Flynn sensei would stop us periodically and remind us that the chain of reaction is tip, wrist, elbow and shoulder when raising and cutting with the sword. He also reminded us not to stick out our elbows when we had the sword raised above our head.

Before I knew it, the seminar had come to an end. Time had flown by and I found myself sad that it was over. After bowing out, we all walked around thanking people we worked with and then changed. For the next hour or so, people walked around saying their thank you's and good byes. Before leaving, I said goodbye to Elmer once more and gave him a hug. It is kind of odd, because I really don't know these people well at all, yet I feel like they are now my extended family. We all went through our own trials and tribulations together. Good or bad, sore or not, we walked away feeling as if we might be a bit better then we were before.

It wasn't until after I got home several hours later that I realized just how tired I was. I wasn't really sore (that would set in the next day), but I was mentally exhausted. I didn't have anything left in me to give. I guess I had kept my exhaustion at bay by staying so focused and just learning. It wasn't until I slowed down that the fatigue set in. It is amazing how much focus weapons work can take. I don't believe I walked away from the seminar significantly better then I was before, but I did gain a better sense of awareness (which I guess is improvement in one way). I now realize that I don't use my left hand enough and I use my right hand more then I need to. All those small, tiny details really do matter….

The next day my legs began to feel sore and my forearm muscles were sore from doing so much conditioning exercises (need to do more of these!). If there is one thing I know about my sensei, is that when he comes back from a seminar, he tends to work on what they did at the seminar. That means that my thighs and forearms will not get much of a reprieve this week. Turns out I did get a break from bokken on Tuesday, but we did bokken Wednesday and of course I had my regular iaido class that evening. Thursday it was just me and Bret. Sensei started off with throwing us around to get some practice for himself in. Then, he had us work on tai no henko and some basic tai sabaki at first. The bulk of the class was focused on ikkyo, nikyo and sankyo. Nikyo and sankyo are on my next test, so it was much appreciated as my technique is less then adequate.

With each technique, sensei would demonstrate it first on Bret and then on me. I loved this, because it allowed me to watch and then feel the technique. Bret was pretty patient with me. For the most part, sensei just quietly observed, but every now and then he would correct us or make a suggestion. By the end of class, my wrists were a bit sore and while sensei was applying nikyo to me to show me what I was doing wrong, I asked him "Is this the lots of nikyo you were talking about while we were shooting pool?" He chuckled and said "No. This is nice nikyo." At that, I grimaced in pain, dropped to the mat and tapped. I looked up at him and said "Nice?" Bret and I worked on nikyo for a bit longer and then we prepared for the second hour of class.

For the second hour of class, another student, Don had shown up. Sensei had us grab a bokken. Sensei started off with us doing some conditioning, basic cuts and then we partnered up. We ended up spending a large part of the second hour working on kumitachi. I worked with sensei a bit and then I worked with Bret as well. When I was with sensei, he tried to get me to focus on being sticky and not allowing our swords to lose contact with one another. Once class was over, I went downstairs and changed. I was sitting down in a chair when Bret went to the fridge and got a beer. He told me I was welcome to a beer, so I went and got one out of the fridge. Bret showed me how to take the cap off of the bottle using the table, which was easier then it looked. We both sat down and started talking. Sensei came out, got a beer and joined in on the conversation. We sat talking and drinking beer for about an hour. We talked about aikido, our dojo, drugs, gangs, the state budget….. all sorts of stuff. Eventually, we decided to call it a night and we all parted ways, saying we would see each other on Saturday.

Well, today is Friday and I am feeling well for the most part. My wrists are sore from the nikyo's and sankyo's and my forearms are a little sore from more conditioning… but that is what aikido is all about. If my wrists are still achy tomorrow, I will just put some wrap on it and train. In the end, I can officially say that I am officially addicted to going to aikido seminars!

I see more clearly now.....

It has been forever since I last posted an entry to my blog. My lack of writing is not due to lack of training, it is probably more like lack of inspiration or just pure laziness. Lately, I’ve found that I am seeking a deeper understanding of my training and a blog simply stating “I did kotegaeshi today.” just seems to barely scratch the surface. Since I am a scientist, I find analyzing things a natural task. Unfortunately, my analysis has not concluded any findings worth reporting (thus far).

Training is continuing like usual. I go to class, try my best and walk away still feeling like I haven’t taken one step forward. I think I’m getting there, but I feel like I am still at the point where I am thinking about taking that next step, but haven’t actually put those thoughts into action yet. Or maybe, it is more like my foot is hovering ever so slightly above the mat. Maybe I have taken that step forward, but I haven’t committed to it or made that step final by putting my foot down. You can’t really take a step forward if you aren’t willing to make contact with the earth again. The lack of finality really has me questioning myself. Am I holding myself back and if so, what is it that I’m allowing to keep me where I am?

Every so often, someone mentions “You need to test.” or “You are way overdue to test.” Gah, I have heard that so many times it doesn’t even affect me anymore. If sensei were to give me a date to test, sure, I would jump back into panic mode, but for now, they are just words. We have a visiting student from another dojo who insisted that I do a technique first. I knew he was a higher rank then me based on his movement, so I asked him to go first and stated that he was a higher ranker and thus he should go first. He inquired what rank I was, to which I responded that I was a 5th kyu. He then told me I needed to test. A visiting student from another dojo who has never trained here before just said I needed to test? There it was… the elephant in the room that I didn’t want to acknowledge.

I now know what is making me so tentative. I once again am self conscious and am afraid of failure. A test date hasn’t even been set, yet here I am holding this weight on my shoulders without even realizing it. I guess hearing “You need to test.” over and over again for the past three or four months has taken its toll on me. My lack of confidence in a few techniques (nikyo and sankyo) has weighed me down to the point that I’m afraid that if I take the next step, I might just fall over or worse yet, just crumple where I stand. This really only leaves me with a couple options: I can continue to stand where I am, and hope that I can shoulder the weight….. or I can just put my foot down and see what happens. I could put my faith in someone else’s judgment and trust that they wouldn’t set me up for failure. GULP.

Okay, now that I have decided to go with option number two…. now what? Well, one thing is obvious. I will continue to go to the dojo, try as hard as I can and I may walk away feeling befuddled. The difference is, I will walk into the dojo with no weight on my shoulders. I will rei towards the shomen with a feeling of tranquility. I will leave behind my self doubt and fear of what lies ahead. I try not to be so judgmental of myself. Instead, I will have a strong sense of courage, perseverance and I will embrace progression with open arms (hopefully).

On a completely different note, I have started wearing contacts. Last Wednesday was my first day wearing them. Needless to say, they will take some getting used to! Each eye has a different type of lens and is by a different brand. My right eye has a toric lens in it, which constantly goes blurry. I am constantly blinking to get my focus back. I’m not sure if it is the type of lens or what, but it isn’t very comfortable at all. I am constantly aware that something is in my eye. Meanwhile, my left eye feels perfectly fine and I don’t even realize I have a contact in it.

My first class with them in was a weapons class with Marc. It was just the two of us, so I got a private session working on kumitachi. Yay! Every now and then, I would stop and back away because I could no longer see what I was doing. Marc would just chuckle at me while I tried in vain to blink my way to better clarity. When that class was over, Marc let sensei know that I was now wearing contacts and that I wasn’t really used to them. I then told sensei that if he saw me blinking like a maniac, that was why. Sensei said that he would try not to poke me in the eye. It seemed like that night, the harder people tried not to poke me in the eye, the more I got hit in the face. HAHA. No one did actually get me in the eye though, so I will it.

Since that night, I am slowly but surely getting used to training with contacts. Some days I end up training without the contact in the right eye because it is just bugging me too much and I take it out while I’m at work or as soon as I get home. Saturday I didn’t put either in because it was still taking me about fifteen minutes to put the buggers in and I didn’t feel like wasting fifteen minutes of the half hour I had that morning before I had to leave for the dojo. I have discovered one thing though; the left contact is a whole lot easier to put in then my right contact. Truthfully, I only really need the contact for my left eye anyway, so if I don’t put in the right one, it isn’t really that big of a deal. It’s main purpose is to correct for the astigmatism (which it does an awful job of doing since its out of focus more then it is in!)

Last nights class was pretty laid back. Since it was hot out, sensei had us grab bokken and we worked on another kumitachi. This one was harder then the one I had done last week. It really requires a sticky feeling with your partner’s bokken. All of us, well… everyone but Marc were having a hard time grasping this sticky, but not pushy feeling, so sensei had us do some exercise with each other that would help foster this feeling. We took turns walking forward and backward with our partner while circling our partners bokken and trying to maintain contact. This was a lot harder then it first appeared. It did help though. When I went back to working with Marc, I felt like I was able to maintain contact with his bokken a lot better then I had previously. I still need plenty of work though, but that is what the years ahead are for right?

Tonight I have weapons, aikido and then iaido. I’m not really sure who will show up or what lies ahead. All I really know is that I am really looking forward to training later. There is a certain peace that I find when training. It calms me down and it helps me find my center again in this tipsy turvy world. Sometimes I think about being lazy and skipping class, but in the end, an unknown force pulls me towards the dojo. The hardest part about training is showing up. Once your there, everything else seems to fall into place (more or less). It is then, that I realize I am exactly where I need to be.

::sigh::

Lately aikido has been a blur. My recollection is becoming hazy and its hard to pick out details. Every now and then, I seem to recall something I did from a previous class, but mainly it is like a vague dream where you randomly recall a moment when something happens to remind you of it out of the blue. I've been diligently showing up to class and trying to do my best to get better. Ninety-nine point nine percent of the time, I am looking forward to class.

Saturday's class went well. Sensei took the day off because of his knee. Caley taught class instead. Don and I were the only two there for class. Because we are both 5th kyu, Caley decided that we would work on ikkyo, nikyo and sankyo since they will be on the 4th kyu test. I still need a lot of work on nikyo and sankyo, so I really appreciated the extra work. Eventually we went on to other things: such as kokyunage, kokyuho and kotegaeshi. Towards the end of class, sensei came up and watched. He offered some helpful advice along the way. Before I knew it, our hour and a half class was over.

Tuesday went well. I don't really recall much at all (this is where the hazy dream symptom kicks in). I worked with Simon a few times. He is doing well and follows direction when given. I try not to tell him when something is wrong (how can I when I myself am a beginner?) Instead, I either try to back lead him or make a point of emphasizing something when it is my turn to do the technique. I worked with him on shomenuchi ikkyo (omote, ura and ushiro variations). It seems that he favors the ushiro version because he did that one the most and often forgot to do the other variations unless reminded. I was feeling good after class and I went downstairs to change. My "Tuesday Moment" occurred when Tai Chi started. All the sudden, I was so over training. I was tired, my whole body was sore (been having back problems that seem to be getting worse instead of better and I am using other muscles to compensate) and I just really didn't want to be there.

It was hard to keep my mind focused while doing the form. Instead of focusing on my form, my mind drifted to other matters. I had a hard time reeling my mind back to the matter at hand. Eventually, I knocked some sense into myself and I slowly began to get my focus back. Towards the end of the class, I was pretty much back to my old self again, but I was still glad that class was over. Once class was over, we drove Marc home. I sat in silence most of the way trying to figure out what was with me today. I don't think it is burn out. I guess everyone has days where they have short attention spans….

Wednesday was a bit worse. Part of it was because I was irritated. My husband doesn't like to listen to me sometimes and it annoys me when he thinks he knows more about something then I do (when he doesn't). I am certain of the fact that I know more about the inside of my car (specifically what each button does) then he does. If I tell you to push a button, don't argue with me saying "It doesn't work." when all the while you are pressing the button I just told you to stop pushing because that is the wrong button. Something petty I know, but it irritated me beyond belief. I was still annoyed when we got to the dojo. I honestly think part of it is that I was slightly cranky to begin with. It seems like whenever I have a call out, I end up cranky later in the day. I think the call outs take its toll on me mentally and physically (I froze my butt off on a mountain summit today!)

Since weapons was the first class, I went upstairs and got a jo (every month we switch weapons and May was bokken month). Well, Marc comes up with his bokken and shinai instead. I confirm that we are doing bokken and then go up and grab a bokken and shinai off the rack. Turns out that Marc keeps using me to demonstrate what we are going to work on next. Whether he did it because he felt I was best suited (I wasn't the highest ranker there and that is who they normally use for weapons) or because he knew I was cranky, I don't know. Somewhere during the hour of weapons work and corrections I was receiving, my crankiness eventually wore off. I even worked with my husband a few times and I wasn't cranky with him anymore, but even if I were, I wouldn't act snotty in class.

Sensei came and taught the second hour of aikido. We worked on a few variations of tai no henko at first, but eventually moved on to a few different variations of sankyo, kotegaeshi and kokyuho throws. Some of them were really interesting. There was one in particular that I had to take slow because if I didn't, I would do exactly what I wasn't supposed to do. My instinct was to step in and turn, but we were supposed to slide in and turn into kokyuho. I made sure to take it slow so I can ensure that I did what I was supposed to do. Over all, it was a good class. For iaido we worked on some basic draws, some basic standing forms, some standing kendo forms and then eventually did some shoden forms from seiza.

I did receive a few corrections (I'm assuming these were all aimed at me):
Tighten pinky a bit more at end of cut
End cut just a half inch to an inch closer to my body
Swing out more on one cut in ryuto
Keep saya closer for noto

Yesterday's class focused on the progression of iriminage. We first started from ai hanmi and did the irimi variation. Then we went to the irimi-tenkan variation. I was accidentally taking my partner even further though. I was irimi-tenkaning, but I was also turning another 180 degrees…. Gah. Once I finally got that down, we went to the variation I had just been doing that was wrong. Once we worked on that a bit, we went to the irimi-tenkan, irimi-tenkan variation where you end up basically cutting them down via shomen with one hand and pulling them down with the other. This wasn't so bad once I got the idea. For some reason, I actually got the footwork fine. I just had to keep uke off balance a bit more for the final cut to work. Once we did that, we went on to ryotedori iriminage where you pull uke into you, twist them all up and then throw them away. This one was fun to be thrown by. I was working with Don on this one and he is SUPER tall and quite stiff (plus he has a bad shoulder), so I was struggling a bit. I'm guessing my hesitation to not injure his shoulder didn't help my situation at all.

For the second hour of class we worked with the jo. My hands were so sticky from sweating that I had a hard time letting the jo slide in my hands. We worked on shomen against shomen, tsuki (two variations) against shomen and a few other things, which I don't recall the name of. Anywho, one movement in a mini kata we worked on involved a move very much like makiotoshi. Marc kept trying to get me to hit his hand harder. I just couldn't do it. I can't whack away at his hand… I know he knows how to avoid getting whacked... I have seen him do it. I just can't bring myself to whack his hand. His response to this was whacking MY hand harder. I have the basics of how to protect the hand that stays on the jo (sink with the attack, turn in the hips and let jo be taken down), but he moves faster then I can to keep up with and I can't always lower my hand in time. I think he may have been whacking me to entice me to whack him back, but it didn't work. Anyway, my hand was going numb at times and I could see the bruise forming while we were still working on it. I didn't say anything and just tried to move a bit faster. Needless to say, my first thumb joint has a bruise the width of a jo and it hurts to move my thumb a bit. Hopefully, it will feel a bit better for Saturday's class.

Twelve Days

Twelve days… amazing how time can either fly by or drag along at a snails pace. Odder still, is how time can fly by, yet still leave you feeling as if those twelve days felt more like a year then just shy of two weeks. I am appalled to admit that twelve days ago was the last time that I stepped out onto the green tatami. Little did I know that would be my last class for a while.

The following week was a mixed bag of feeling great to feeling utterly miserable. When Tuesday arrived, I had to admit to myself that:
A- I was feeling exhausted and sick.
B- I was going to make a four and a half hour drive to Portland tomorrow morning and I still hadn't packed.

I called Marc and told him that I wouldn't be going to class. He understood and told me to get better. I told him I wouldn't be able to go to class again till the following Tuesday because I had to go to Portland for training. The rest of the week went alright. Not to say that I didn't feel well, because I still felt miserable. I thought about going to a dojo while I was up there, but truthfully, I just plain felt like crap. Instead, I sulked and looked at photos and read bios of the surrounding dojos, which further made me miss class. Training went well though. I am proud to say that after two hours of digging around in wet dirt that I was remarkably clean. While everyone else sat in the dirt, I kept my butt off the ground. If you were to sit in seiza, come up on your toes and then lift your knees off the mat, you will get an idea of how I was squatting. Quite comfortable I might add! I am also proud to say that I was the first person to find skeletal remains in our group. YAY! I found a few cartridge casings as well, but nothing to really write home about.

The following week I had a trip to the doctor, where my suspicions were confirmed. I had a sinus infection. She asked me if it would be possible to stay home from work a couple days to relax. I told her that it was possible and as I left the office I thought to myself "I am not staying home over a sinus infection!" I went to work the next day and felt fine. I was a bit optimistic, but also realistic. I wanted to go to class tonight, but I didn't want to push myself. I had to give sensei the check for our monthly dues (which was due at the beginning of the month) and I figured since I was there; I could sit and watch class. Watching class wasn't so bad. I got to observe some finer points and digest some comments that were made.

After aikido was tai chi. I thought about joining in, but a few people said I didn't look too good and suggested I sit out (one of them was teaching class that evening). Not wanting to be rude (and I truthfully wasn't much in the mood to practice tai chi), I sat out. Marc came up after changing downstairs and bugged me into joining class. I got out there and did the short and long form. Truthfully, it wasn't so bad. There were times during the hour that I felt dizzy and nauseous and other times I felt just fine. On the way home, I told Marc that I wouldn't be ready (physically) to go to class tomorrow, but Thursday I would be there whether I was ready or not. By the time I dropped Marc off and got home, I was utterly exhausted. Something so slow and simple such as tai chi literally kicked my butt tonight. I went to bed figuring I would feel better by the morning.

Well…. I missed work the next day; turns out that if you tempt fate enough- sooner or later they are going to take the bait. I was devastated. The good thing about missing work was that I got to get some sleep that my body needed. I figured I would need lots of rest if I had any hopes of going to class tomorrow. The rest of the day, I laid on the couch, watched movies, read a book and went online. By the end of the night, I was feeling rather well again, but I was a bit more cautious with my optimism. I went to bed that night hoping that tomorrow would be a good day (physically).

I woke up the next morning feeling fine. I got up and got ready for work. My day went well. I felt lethargic at times, but over all, I felt like I had much more energy then I had been having the past couple weeks. I texted Marc to let him know that we were indeed going to class tonight. The rest of the day leading up to class I was anxious. It has been twelve whole days since I have practiced aikido. Much too long in my opinion. Marc taught class that night. As far as my energy goes, I made it through most of the class. I did ask to sit out for a couple minutes to catch my breath and to get the dizziness to go away. I tried not to sit out longer then necessary and quickly joined back in class. After the first hour, we were scheduled to have a second hour of weapons. I had slumped down onto the bench in the entrance way and was drinking my water. Marc looked over at me and said "You look exhausted." He couldn't be more correct. I hadn't felt this exhausted in a long time. It reminded me of how I was feeling before I had my thyroid problem diagnosed. Without any shame, I told Marc that I was exhausted, but I would be alright. Marc consulted with Bret (the other person left that was taking second hour) and they agreed to cancel the second hour of class so I could go home.

I told them that it wasn't necessary and that I would either watch or be able to get through the class, but they were firm with their decision. I stood up and carried my stuff downstairs to change. I couldn't help but notice my shaky hands, my rubbery legs and fatigued arm muscles. I shouldn't be feeling this way after an easy, laid back beginner's class! When I got to the changing room, I spoke with Cara (my frienemy). She had just come back from college and tonight was her first class back. Truthfully, she is less of a frienemy then she was last summer, but she will have this title for a while. In case you didn't read those entries in the past, when she came back, she felt the need to put me in my place. At the time she was a 3rd kyu and I had been training in aikido for a whole two months. Anyway, she has gotten past that and now a pretty civil person. I don't see how she could have conceived me as a threat, but she did apparently.

After talking with Cara, I met Marc in the living room and we headed home. Marc asked if I was alright to drive and I told him I was fine (and I was). I thought about stopping at the Human Bean on our way home for some coffee or a fruit smoothie since I was feeling overheated and ucky, but I thought my plan could backfire and make me feel worse. Marc and I chit chatted till I dropped him off at his house. I told him I would pick him up Saturday. By the time I got home, I was miserable. I felt like I had ran a marathon, lifted weights until my arms wouldn't work anymore and I was sick to my stomach. I thought that I might be low on sugar or needed carbs or electrolytes, so I grabbed a Gatorade from the fridge in hopes it might make me feel better. My husband made spaghetti and I thought that eating might help. Although both were good, neither of them made me feel better at all. I laid on the couch feeling as if I would throw up at any minute, but knowing that I wouldn't. I tried to sleep, but I decided to hold off on sleep till my husband and I went to bed.

I went upstairs to shower. Although I could have staid in the shower forever, I made it as quick as possible because I wanted to climb into the bed. I pretty much resigned myself to missing work the next day. I must have REALLY pushed my body too far and it was rebelling against me. I quickly drifted off to sleep. To my surprise, I woke up the next morning feeling great. YAY for recovery sleep! As I quietly climbed out of bed, so as to not disturb my hubby, he asked me if I was going to work. I nodded and then went into the bathroom to get ready for work. As I put on my makeup, all I could think about was class Saturday morning and if I would be able to hack an hour of iaido and an hour and a half of aikido.

Saturday morning Marc lead the warm ups for iaido. He always has us do a hundred or more shomen cuts. Today, it felt more like 200. Whether it was because it was that many or because I was tired, I have no idea. I was beat by the time we were done with the cuts. I sure hope this isn't an indicator of how tired I will be in aikido! After the rest of our warm up's, Marc had us go through Shohatto, Sato, Uto and Atarito a few times. At that point, sensei came to join class. YAY! Lately, he has been MIA because of health reasons. He continued where Marc left off and had us do those same forms a few times. Then he had us move to standing to work on some Tokyo Police forms that Chiba sensei had once taught him. Over all, class went well.

A few corrections I received that need to be fixed (and a few I'm still working on):
1.) Don't break wrist at end of cut
2.) Apparently I move my head ever so slightly for chiburi, so I need to cut that out
3.) Keep extension during cut to maintain a circle and not end up with a flat cut
4.) Keep shoulders down and back as you cut

After iaido we sit for about a half an hour. Once that was done, I asked sensei how he was feeling as I took his zafu and other items to put away for him. He stated that he was feeling better, but not quite back to "normal". I went across the room and began to fold up my hakama. We started talking about various things: mainly forensic science books. He suggested one to me that sounded interesting, but I forget the name already, so I will have to ask him again. We started talking about "The Throne of Blood" that he is helping with and I asked when that show will be playing at the theatre, as I am eager to see it. He told me it was in the middle of June and stated that he still has to find out about group pricing so dojo members can go. He then asked if I would be available one Tuesday to help out at the theatre. I told him I would be able to help. I have no idea what he wants me to do though. I know Marc is going and I think they are going to be working on iaido. My iaido really isn't that great, so I'm thinking I may be helping out with other things. We shall see.

I then went downstairs to put my hakama away and change obi's. When I came back upstairs, I told sensei that I wasn't sure if I would be able to make it the whole class and explained that I had to sit out a bit on Thursday. He told me that it would be fine and that it would probably be a laid back class. He kept his word. It was fairly laid back, but it still kicked my butt. I ended up having to sit out at the one hour mark. Boohoo. At another point, I was working in a group of three and sensei told the other two to go first so I could sit out and rest a bit more. Some of the things we worked on were kokyuho, ikkyo, uchi kaitenage and iriminage. We worked on some of the finer points of a few things and focused on turning, as well as our contact with our partner. Trying to make our movement more clear.

Sensei used me as uke a couple times and despite the fact that I was low on gas, I gave everything I had when I was up there with him. He also told me that I needed to try to give my center up more. Push my center forward as I take backward ukemi. He told me that I am doing this, but that I could do it even more. He then went on to demonstrate a time when you would need this. He had me be uke and I attacked shomen. He merely entered off line, came down on top of my arm with his outside arm and then flew his inside arm at my face. I had no choice but to quickly give up my center and take backwards ukemi.

At one point during class, I heard a disruption and Cara was down on the mat. She had been poked in the eye rather hard. I went downstairs and got some ice for her and sensei looked her over. She sat out the rest of the class. She appeared to be fine, but her eye looked like it would end up bruising. Accidents, though unfortunate are an expected part of martial arts training. I myself have not sustained a severe injury as of yet (knocks on wood), but I have been hit in the head by sensei's bokken rather hard. My poor husband has been hit in the face with a jo a couple times (one time his jo smashed his glasses into his nose so hard that he got a cut). Hopefully, Cara will show up Tuesday and be perfectly fine. I sure hope she doesn't get a black eye!

On another completely different topic, as of lately, my ukemi has been of great interest to me. I have seen where I have already improved a great deal, but my ukemi is still mediocre. I need to make my rolls and breakfalls softer still. My breakfalls, though not incorrect (but more then effective) are considered "hard". I personally don't see them as hard. To me, they feel quite comfortable. I would however, like to take these softer breakfalls. First off, sensei wants me to work on them, but I also want to be kind to my body and it seems like these cause less jarring to the body. Not to mention, the more ways you learn to fall, the more options you have. You can then take whatever ukemi is called for. I also want to work on staying closer to nage. I want to remain more connected. It is most obvious on techniques where nage has me running in circles around them (excluding sankyo). Somehow, despite my best intentions, my lower body gets out from under me. I end up running slanted and my feet are plodding ever so loudly on the mat. It's as if instead of uke and nage it is a horse being run in circles via a lead. Sometimes this happens because nage is just plain going to fast for me, but other times, I think it is my fault. I have yet to discover how to tell the difference. Another mystery for me to solve I guess.

Things to work on:
1.) Give up center completely, while maintaining a connection
2.) Take what ukemi is required (no more, no less)
3.) Push yourself to your limit and even a little beyond, but don't overdo it!
4.) Take care of your health, it is of utmost importance for an active person
5.) Don't be so timid
6.) Keep both feet connected to the ground when nage

An Up and Down Week

Last week, my husband traveled to the east coast without me to visit friends and family. Although I would have loved to go (I haven't seen my friends and family in over a years), I chose to do the responsible thing and stay behind since we are strapped for cash. Because my husband was away, this allowed me more liberty to train as well. Unfortunately, because I was down and out thanks to migraines and allergies, I wasn't able to quite have the training extravaganza that I was hoping for, but I did get to go to one additional class. My usual training schedule consists of the following:

Tuesday: 5:30-6:30: Aikido Basics, 6:30-7:30: Tai Chi
Wednesday: 5:30-6:30: Weapons Basics, 6:30-7:30: Aikido, 7:30-8:30: Iaido
Thursday: 5:30-6:30 Aikido Basics, 6:30-7:30: Weapons
Saturday: 8:30-9:30: Iaido, 10:15-11:45: Aikido

This week, I was able to attend class on Monday, which was from 6-7:30. As you may know, Monday was O-Sensei's Death Day. So, this made my extra day of training even more special for me. Once we arrived at the dojo and were on the mat, sensei, Marc, Ben and I were talking about various things. Sensei was telling us about his knee injections and that he was supposed to stay off the mat for three weeks, but mentioned that wouldn't happen. He said he wanted to get them done now so he would be ready for theatre (he is currently teaching the actors iaido for ‘Throne of Blood'). I'm not sure how we got on the topic, but at one point I told sensei that last week when I was sick and couldn't come to class I texted Marc "Tell sensei I'm frustrated with aikido and am never coming back." and then went on to explain that Marc didn't come to class either, thus my brilliant (though sarcastic) message was never delivered. Sensei looked at me and said "I am glad I didn't get that message."

Before he began class, sensei explained that this class would involve little to no talking- other then calling out a technique or something similar and mentioned that Abe would be joining us shortly. As sensei lead warm-ups, I heard the all too familiar crunching gravel that prematurely announces everyone's arrival. In comes Abe. He usually takes quite a bit of time taping his wrist, but today he got right on the mat; surprising. Sensei then told us to do whatever we needed to stretch ourselves out. Once we were done stretching, sensei had us go through variations of tai no henko to warm up. He then went and sat on the shomen and called out various techniques to do. Every so often, he would come around and demonstrate a finer point of a technique that I was missing.

Some of the techniques we worked on were: suwariwaza shomenuchi: ikkyo, nikyo, sankyo, yonkyo, gokyo, iriminage, kotegaeshi and kokyuho. I had a few problems with some of these techniques, but that is expected considering that I haven't done some of these very often from suwariwaza (or at all for that matter). My nikyo and sankyo are slowly, but surely getting better. For some reason, I had a problem with omote. For some reason, I just could NOT get my stinkin' thumb to smoothly go around Ben's wrist to go from the ikkyo to the nikyo position. I don't normally have a problem with this, so I am not too worried about it. I worked with Marc for yonkyo and gokyo. He was quite patient (as always) and helped me. He also reminded me to keep my elbows down/in. Not sure if I will ever get around to fixing that problem. I have always had a problem with yonkyo. It takes me forever to find the correct spot and then I just can't seem to get it right. Sensei told me that I need to project through my uke's elbow. I think out of like ten tries I got it right maybe two… three tops. Not so great of a percentage there. For gokyo, I kept grabbing the wrist like ikkyo, when you are supposed to grab it palm up instead of palm down. I figure with enough time and practice, I will get it down….. maybe….. maybe not…. Haha. Iriminage, kokyuho and kotegaeshi went so-so. I worked with Ben on these. He was patient and dealt with my ignorance rather well. :O)

After all of us were getting pretty tired and were sweaty, sensei had us stand up and grab bokken. We did some simple warm ups with those and then partnered off. This part of the class went by rather quickly and I am afraid I don't recall exactly what we did. When sensei clapped for us to line up, I was pleasantly surprised that our hour and a half was up already. Time flies when your having fun I suppose. Once we finished bowing out, sensei informed us that more classes would be like today. He stated that he wanted us to do more suwariwaza and that each class would be dedicated to suwariwaza from now on.

I went home feeling a bit tired, but happy that I went. Tuesday was an interesting class. Sebastian showed up. Sebastian doesn't really train on a regular basis, so it's nice when he makes an appearance. He is a 5th kyu like me, but has been at this rank longer, so I treat him as my sempai. As he went to mark his hours down he commented that "It looks like you are the only one training." Sensei and I both responded that it has been mainly Abe and I who are always showing up. Eventually Simon (the new guy) and Abe showed up. It is always nice having even numbers. It allows the instructor to walk around and make observations and corrections.

Before class started, two women came into the dojo and stated that they wanted to watch a class. They mentioned that they had spoke to someone on the phone. Sensei walked out from the little room on the shomen and mentioned it was him they spoke to. He then welcomed them in and told them where they could sit. As he was about to leave, he whispered to Marc "Don't scare them." (Marc was teaching for sensei) HAHA! Today's class was pretty laid back. We worked on ai hanmi ikkyo and iriminage most of the class. We also did jujinage as well. Throughout the class, Marc would come over and tell me what I was doing wrong and I would do my best to correct the problem. I worked with Simon for iriminage. He didn't do too bad! He is actually doing well for the short amount of time he has been in class.

Yesterday, I gave Marc a ride to class (like always) and wondered who would show up today. Marc said that he thought Ben would be the only other one to show since Abe said he had a birthday to go to. Sure enough, when we go downstairs to the changing room, Ben is the only other person there. Sensei shows up and asks Marc to lead the second hour of aikido since his leg is so swollen. Marc agreed and told him that he would take Thursday's classes as well so sensei could stay off his feet. Once class started, Marc had us do some work with the jo. It started off with jo basics. The jo has really started to grow on me as of late, so I am actually going to be sad when this month comes to an end and we make the switch to the bokken.

Pretty soon, Marc has us adding more and more responses (mostly kesa responses from kesa, but some other things as well). When the hour was almost over and the second hour was about to begin, Marc told us that if no one else shows up, we would just continue to work with the jo. I told him I was completely fine with that. The second hour went by quickly as well and soon Marc had us lining up to bow out. I then reid to Ben and thanked him for his patience. After class, Marc and I were chatting waiting for Jane to come up for iaido. He told me that I had been working on Sansho 2 in the previous class. Sweet! Now I know a bit of Sansho 1 (part 1 and part of part 2) and a bit of Sansho 2 (part 1 I am guessing).

For iaido, I was dragging a bit. I was low on energy, but I wanted to stay anyway. Luckily, we did standing forms today because for some reason my hamstrings are super tight. I can barely lift them half way to hip height and they are aching. I have no idea what I did to them…. but I did something! We started off with 100 shomen cuts to warm up. This didn't go so well for me. When you have a runny nose, it is kind of hard to breathe correctly, especially with you sniffling all the time. The sniffling led to me coating my throat with yuckiness, which then led to me coughing. Uck….. I am sad to say it, but this class did not go by quick enough for me. This isn't to say it wasn't a good class and that I didn't put forth and effort (because both of those statements would be incorrect), but I was glad to see it end.

After class, I drove Marc home and then went home to my hubby (who just got back today from the east coast). Unfortunately, my husband did not have good news for me. He informed me that one of our friends had passed away a couple hours ago from a heart attack. I am still in shock. I held myself together in front of my husband, but I did cry over by the microwave as I made myself some oatmeal for dinner. I was now officially physically and emotionally drained and I crashed out on the couch until it was almost time for bed. We decided to go to bed early and once again, as I was taking a shower the sad reality of losing a friend hit me once more. I just sat under the warm water and let it wash away my tears. This is the third year in a row that I have lost someone close. I can't help but be forced to recognize how fragile human life is. Enjoy the moments you have, because they could be taken away all too soon……


Things to work on/ remember:
1.) Ikkyo: don't push uke away, make sure you cut back to your center
2.) Nikyo: open up your hand on their wrist and lead around their wrist with your thumb
3.) Yonkyo: when you cut, lead with uke's elbow
4.) Gokyo: don't grab like ikkyo, grab their wrist palm UP towards ceiling
5.) Iriminage: don't just take uke forward, take them forward, down, then up and in towards you to take their balance

Paines/ bruises:
1.) Yonkyo bruises
2.) Tight hamstrings (probably from being taken down/ forward for iriminage (basically doing a split in the air)