Sunday, December 12, 2010
Becoming a 4th Kyu
It almost seems like a dream. I can recall bits and pieces, but the whole idea of it all is just…. foggy. Its as if I am trying to recall something that happened after I have fallen and hit my head or passed out. Those moments leading up to and immediately after are always fuzzy.
Thursday three of us were set to test for fourth kyu. Originally, four of us were set to test, but sensei promoted one a couple days prior based on merit. In fact, that person happens to be my hubby. He was promoted to 3rd kyu. I couldn’t be happier for him and I know that he really wasn’t interested in testing. After a conversation, sensei decided that he could skip testing and bumped him up from 5th kyu to 3rd.
The other three of us weren’t so lucky as to skip the testing process, so we showed up Thursday, ready whether we liked it or not. I left the house ten minutes earlier, thinking it would give me more time to calm down, but it turns out I got there the same time as usual. Traffic was determined to make my buffer time disappear altogether.
I changed as quickly as I could and went up to the dojo. My brief moments of solitude were dashed when I realized a couple other people were already in the dojo. I started stretching and just trying to calm my nerves. One of the yudansha came in and jokingly asked me “What are you testing for? 2nd kyu?” I laughed and then mentioned that I was testing for 6th kyu.
Sensei came in shortly after and the yudansha asked sensei if I was testing for 2nd kyu. Sensei smiled and responded that I was testing for 6th. I got all excited and told sensei that is what I said earlier. Then I reminisced about how easy the 6th kyu test was, as in our dojo, as soon as you walk in the door you are a 6th kyu. Unfortunately, this test wasn’t going to be quite as simple.
Once class started, sensei had us do some warm-ups, conditioning exercises that were techniques on our exam and we did a couple techniques that were on the test as well. Once we all lined up, she had us come out onto the mat. Our first uke’s were then called out and assigned to us.
Once the test started, just like last time, my nervousness went away. You don’t really have time to look around and see what else is going on. I did hear a bit of confusion going on and I heard “Look around and see what they are doing.” Several times I had my uke swapped out. Evidently, I was running my uke’s a little more ragged then the other testee’s were.
There were a few times during the test where I fumbled over the hand exchanges, or felt as if my footwork was a bit off. A few times I forgot to do the nikyo pin and my partner would remind me to do the pin. At the end of the test, four of the yudansha left to decide our fate. While they were gone, we worked on suwariwaza kokyuho. It was a nice cool down.
Eventually, they returned and we all once again lined up. They had us stand one at a time and told us whether we passed or failed. Each of us passed the test. A couple of the yudansha gave us some feedback, such as: hand exchanges and footwork needs improvement, using our centers more, sinking into our hips, etcetera, etcetera. Sensei told me in particular that I need to work on being more assertive.
All in all, I guess I did alright on the test. I didn’t do poorly, but I certainly know that I could have done better. I think my foot played a part in some of my poor movement. Most of the time I wasn’t aware of my foot do to nerves or adrenaline, but certain movements did hurt my foot. For instance on kokyuho I was quite aware that the pressure on my foot hurt.
When the test was over, all of us went out for pizza and beer. It is nice just to sit back and chat about anything that comes to mind. It isn’t often that a group of us get together and just eat, drink and talk. We have dojo potlucks every now and then, but these pizza and beer outings are just something special and unique.
I hear that the 3rd kyu test is the hardest test because of all the techniques and the fact that the test is so much longer. Although I am not quite ready to pursue this feat, I know that one day, whether I like it or not, that test will be knocking on my door. For now though, I am content to coast along for a bit. I want the opportunity to grow into my rank and enjoy where I am a bit longer before I start trudging up the hill towards my next goal.
See my previous blog if you are interested in some random aikido statistics
Friday, December 3, 2010
Slow Ride.... Take it Easy......
Class this week has been rather interesting. With the influx of new students, things have dropped down a gear or two. Usually, I would prefer things to ramp up for a test, but this time, I find myself enjoying the pace. My theme song for this week is "Slow Ride". Because of that, how can I not take it easy? This lower gear doesn't mean I am taking things any easier. Instead, I find myself focusing on some simple details, such as balance, using my center and really trying to use my hand as a blade of a sword and really activating my wrists. Although I am not really making great headway on either of these, I am becoming more aware of just how little I use or have all of these.
Wednesday, for the second hour of class it was all yudansha again. Well, all except for me. It was a great class. We did some variations of things that I haven't or have rarely done. It was actually nice to do something that did not directly involve techniques on my test. Sure, you could always find some similarities, but they weren't the exact technique or the same variation that is being asked of me. It makes it easier to unwind and just enjoy the moment. We were constantly on the move and it was a great cardio workout. I am certain I burned off the cinnamon-apple donut I ate earlier that day.
Yesterday I had trial, so I was tromping around town in my heels. They are actually quite comfy since I broke them in a while ago, but with my injured foot…. the right foot varied between uncomfortable and painful throughout the day. Before class I took some ibuprofen and headed off to class. My foot got a little tender during class because Erin had us doing some rolls and suwariwaza. We worked on suwariwaza morotedori and ryotedori shihonage. Towards the end of class, she had the 4th kyu candidates go to the front of the dojo and she would have us take turns working on test techniques and the rest of the class stayed in the back and worked on something else.
When sensei showed up, I went and told him that I was going to sit out and watch the second hour of class so I could ice his foot. He acted a bit disappointed and mentioned that we were going to be working with bokken, so it wouldn't be too bad on my foot. I told him in that case I would give it a shot. He told me to sit out for ten minutes or so to ice my foot and then I could join in. It seemed like a good compromise, so after running the mats with rags, I went downstairs via the door by the shomen and took the bucket and rags with me.
Once downstairs, I rinsed out the rags and hung them on the drying rack. I then went to the freezer and took out the frozen bag of peas I have developed a bit of a resentful relationship with. On my way back upstairs, I paused by the door and listened. All was quiet, so I knew class had started already. There is no way I am going in via the shomen door. That is when I realize my shoes are at the front entrance of the dojo. I walk back downstairs and go around barefoot. The cold, wet jagged rocks dug into my feet as I made my way around. Once inside, I cleaned my feet off with a few baby-wipes and then sat down to ice my foot.
I sat there during most of the warm-ups, but I eventually got too anxious and sat in seiza until sensei bowed me into class. I ran/ hobbled and got the bokken that I seem to use. It isn't mine, but sensei let me take it to the weapons seminar and ever since then, I have kind of adopted it as mine. Or at least until his son comes back to claim it! I really need to get my own, but somehow it always gets put off. Bills are always more important then the aikido toys I need. As we went across the dojo making our cuts, I found myself tripping a bit. My foot was colder then I realized and I couldn't really feel the mat as I would have liked. Sensei decided that today he would have us work on the fifth kumitachi. It seemed a bit complicated at first, but once I did it a few times, I could at least navigate the form.
I was working with Don, another 5th kyu and the two yudansha were working together. Usually a higher and a lower partner up, but I thought this worked out for the best. That way they could get in some good quality practice and me and Don could take our time to go through the form. Sensei kept a watchful eye on us and frequently gave me corrections. Make sure you are stepping 90 degrees, thrust strongly, don't move too early, don't drop your tip when you cut faster, etc, etc. I actually enjoy getting these corrections (even though it means I am doing something wrong). I know he is paying attention to me and I know that he is trying to help me get better. Not to mention, the way he tells you and shows you is done in a way that doesn't make me feel bad at all for my errors.
At the end of class, he decided to do something a bit more simplistic- san no tachi. For this, I worked with a visiting yudansha. At the end of class, sensei was describing how supposedly, each of the kumitachi represent different things (pine tree, bamboo and plum blossom). He said that he couldn't really recall which was which and he also mentioned that squares, triangles and circles were in the forms as well. When he was finished talking, I told him that I am not yielding or graceful like any of those. This elicited chuckles from everyone. He responded telling me that I have my moments.
As I went downstairs, I thought about what he said. I think I do have my moments. Unfortunately, I am not always aware of them and they do come few and far between at this time. A moment is but a blink in time. It is temporary and ever changing. It quickly becomes the past and is often forgotten. It is comforting to know that I am capable of being graceful or yielding, if but a moment. If only I could lock into that moment and keep hold of it. Sadly, as hard as I try, the moment always slips out my grip and passes me by. You can be IN the moment, but you can never stay…..
Wednesday, for the second hour of class it was all yudansha again. Well, all except for me. It was a great class. We did some variations of things that I haven't or have rarely done. It was actually nice to do something that did not directly involve techniques on my test. Sure, you could always find some similarities, but they weren't the exact technique or the same variation that is being asked of me. It makes it easier to unwind and just enjoy the moment. We were constantly on the move and it was a great cardio workout. I am certain I burned off the cinnamon-apple donut I ate earlier that day.
Yesterday I had trial, so I was tromping around town in my heels. They are actually quite comfy since I broke them in a while ago, but with my injured foot…. the right foot varied between uncomfortable and painful throughout the day. Before class I took some ibuprofen and headed off to class. My foot got a little tender during class because Erin had us doing some rolls and suwariwaza. We worked on suwariwaza morotedori and ryotedori shihonage. Towards the end of class, she had the 4th kyu candidates go to the front of the dojo and she would have us take turns working on test techniques and the rest of the class stayed in the back and worked on something else.
When sensei showed up, I went and told him that I was going to sit out and watch the second hour of class so I could ice his foot. He acted a bit disappointed and mentioned that we were going to be working with bokken, so it wouldn't be too bad on my foot. I told him in that case I would give it a shot. He told me to sit out for ten minutes or so to ice my foot and then I could join in. It seemed like a good compromise, so after running the mats with rags, I went downstairs via the door by the shomen and took the bucket and rags with me.
Once downstairs, I rinsed out the rags and hung them on the drying rack. I then went to the freezer and took out the frozen bag of peas I have developed a bit of a resentful relationship with. On my way back upstairs, I paused by the door and listened. All was quiet, so I knew class had started already. There is no way I am going in via the shomen door. That is when I realize my shoes are at the front entrance of the dojo. I walk back downstairs and go around barefoot. The cold, wet jagged rocks dug into my feet as I made my way around. Once inside, I cleaned my feet off with a few baby-wipes and then sat down to ice my foot.
I sat there during most of the warm-ups, but I eventually got too anxious and sat in seiza until sensei bowed me into class. I ran/ hobbled and got the bokken that I seem to use. It isn't mine, but sensei let me take it to the weapons seminar and ever since then, I have kind of adopted it as mine. Or at least until his son comes back to claim it! I really need to get my own, but somehow it always gets put off. Bills are always more important then the aikido toys I need. As we went across the dojo making our cuts, I found myself tripping a bit. My foot was colder then I realized and I couldn't really feel the mat as I would have liked. Sensei decided that today he would have us work on the fifth kumitachi. It seemed a bit complicated at first, but once I did it a few times, I could at least navigate the form.
I was working with Don, another 5th kyu and the two yudansha were working together. Usually a higher and a lower partner up, but I thought this worked out for the best. That way they could get in some good quality practice and me and Don could take our time to go through the form. Sensei kept a watchful eye on us and frequently gave me corrections. Make sure you are stepping 90 degrees, thrust strongly, don't move too early, don't drop your tip when you cut faster, etc, etc. I actually enjoy getting these corrections (even though it means I am doing something wrong). I know he is paying attention to me and I know that he is trying to help me get better. Not to mention, the way he tells you and shows you is done in a way that doesn't make me feel bad at all for my errors.
At the end of class, he decided to do something a bit more simplistic- san no tachi. For this, I worked with a visiting yudansha. At the end of class, sensei was describing how supposedly, each of the kumitachi represent different things (pine tree, bamboo and plum blossom). He said that he couldn't really recall which was which and he also mentioned that squares, triangles and circles were in the forms as well. When he was finished talking, I told him that I am not yielding or graceful like any of those. This elicited chuckles from everyone. He responded telling me that I have my moments.
As I went downstairs, I thought about what he said. I think I do have my moments. Unfortunately, I am not always aware of them and they do come few and far between at this time. A moment is but a blink in time. It is temporary and ever changing. It quickly becomes the past and is often forgotten. It is comforting to know that I am capable of being graceful or yielding, if but a moment. If only I could lock into that moment and keep hold of it. Sadly, as hard as I try, the moment always slips out my grip and passes me by. You can be IN the moment, but you can never stay…..
Monday, November 29, 2010
You Miss One Class and BAM!
I strive to attend class on my regular days (Tues, Weds, Thurs & Sat) as often as possible. Well, this past weekend, I was pulled away due to the nature of my job. While I was away, my teacher decided to drop a bomb. To some, this "bomb" may be more like a celebratory thing… like fireworks, but to me, this "bomb" might as well have annihilated the entire dojo. He announced that four people will be testing for fourth kyu on December 9th. I guess I really shouldn't be that surprised. He has said tests were coming for the past six months, but now that the date is set, the finality of it all has me taken aback
As I sit and look over the fourth kyu techniques, some I feel quite comfortable with, yet there are others I can't recall at all. No matter how much I imagine someone grabbing me, I can't for the life of me recall how to do them. Some of them require a variation (like jodan), which also leaves me with more questions. I mean, I know one is low, one is middle and one is high, but some of the finer details are lost to me at the moment. On top of it all, I only have less then two weeks to remedy this situation.
I think this test will be slightly different then my last one (techniques aside). I know I will be hit with anxiety when I step on the mat, but failure is not on the list this time. Or at least… failure won't be on my mind until he is about to tell us if we pass or fail. With this test, the actual quality of the test is what is weighing on my mind. When it is time for me to test, I want to have a resounding sense of….. confidence. I don't expect my techniques to be perfect, but I would love for them to look as expected or better then which they should for someone of my rank.
I don't want to stand out there and ponder what it is I am being asked to do. I want to hear the name being called and then just let the magic happen. ::sigh:: Is that too much to ask? Maybe it is. I'm hoping that some of these techniques will be covered in the classes leading up to the test, but I also have a dvd with Chiba sensei demonstrating the test techniques that I will begin to watch when I have the time. I guess in the meantime, I will just relax and try to enjoy the time I have leading up to the test.
The other thing that is weighing heavily on my mind is my still injured foot. It has been about five or six weeks since it was injured in class and it is still bugging me. It isn't as bad as it was, but doing shikko and a lot of suwariwaza is still out for the most part. The test has a few suwariwaza techniques and some of them require a decent amount of movement. Because I have to move slowly in order to prevent pain, I fear that it will further hurt my already ‘a bit late' timing. Depending on whom my uke is, this problem will either be exacerbated or minimized. I may just have to bite the bullet and deal with a bit of pain. On the other hand, my adrenaline may cause me to feel no pain at all during the test. I guess we will just have to wait and see. Things could change in another week and a half.
In other news, we have had an influx of new students joining the dojo. They all have unique personalities. One is timid and shy, but has a great personality. One is a bit stiff and is difficult to work with because they either try to stronghold you or trick you. The other of the three is nice and quiet and is the type that asks a lot of questions. Just last night while working with them, they asked me "Why don't I just let go." I then went on to tell them that they could, but I would hit them. HAH! Of course, I wouldn't have hit him; I'm not a meanie!
Last week I found myself in a class with nothing but yudansha! I used to be intimidated by situations like this, but not so much anymore. I know that the intensity level is usually a bit higher in a class like this, but I have learned to love being so out of my element. For the most part, I can sort of navigate what it is I'm being asked to do. I may not look pretty doing it, but I enjoy even trying. At the end of the class, I thanked them all for having patience and told them that I enjoyed the treat of just having yudansha to work with.
Saturday's class was fun. We went back and forth between using weapons and doing body art. The weapon work was supposed to give us a better feeling of the technique and how it is practically the same when you do the same technique empty handed. I'm afraid that it wasn't so easy for me doing some things empty handed. Other techniques seemed easier empty handed. At the end of class, sensei once again announced the upcoming test and said he would appreciate it if the yudansha would come and take ukemi. I asked sensei if we could go out for pizza and beer after the test like we did last time. Caley asked "What, are you not going to show up if we don't?" I responded that "It would be an incentive for me to show up to the test and without pizza or beer, I couldn't make any promises."
Saturday afternoon I watched part of the dvd with the testing requirements, but I fear that my weariness took over and I conked out somewhere around the hanmi handachi shihonage technique. Ooops….. Well, I guess I will try again in the next day or so to watch them again. I'm hoping that my hubby and I can watch it together and then practice the techniques as we go along.
Monday, November 22, 2010
They say a picture is worth a thousand words....
Well, if that is the case, then this video of me is enough to easily write a five paragraph essay, if not more on what NOT to do. When I first watched this video of me at the weapons seminar I attended a couple of months ago (which feels like eons ago by the way), I was excited that I happened to be captured in this clip and was put in this month's edition of Biran (Birankai newsletter). Since my first viewing, my elation has disappeared and instead, a bitter taste is left in my mouth. I compare it to sitting down and thinking you are about to eat a perfectly ripe banana, but after you take a big bite, you realize that the bitter taste left in your mouth is because you have a mouthful of peel instead.
Despite myself, I continue to shove the banana peel in my mouth and endure the bitterness with each time I hit the "replay" button on the video. With each viewing, I am reminded just how inadequate my technique is and I seem to find something else wrong every time I watch it. I find my thoughts going from happiness to "Ugh… why did they have to put ME in the clip! Out of three days of filming, you chose THIS!?!?!" In this clip, I am mostly surrounded by yudansha who are gliding across the mats like swans on a placid lake and their bokken's are cutting through the air with the gracefulness of a sakura blossom that has leapt from the branches and is descending towards its final resting place. Then, you realize that something is pulling your attention away from all this beauty. That is when you see this ugly ducking flailing about with the grace equivalent to a cow walking on ice. That is when I realize that I am now embarrassed to be in this clip…..
Then the question is, if I'm so embarrassed, why am I blogging about it where several people will read it, potentially view the video and then comment on my disastrous debut into the youtube world? Truthfully, I don't have an answer. Am I a glutton for punishment or a martyr? I'd like to think I'm neither. Instead, I only really have one thought in my mind as I chew on this bitter banana peel "How can I improve?" I want to shikko across the mat in graceful stillness (stillness in movement that is). I want to learn to make a beautiful arcing cut that actually stops parallel to the ground instead of dropping and coming back up. I want my cut to be one free of tension and instead embrace the sense of freedom that I feel when I occasionally make a good cut. I want to have a sense of expansion and extension instead of having a compact cut that feels more like its contracting. I know what it is that I seek… and I know how to go about getting it.
The answer to almost any question is "Practice." or "More practice." I know that if I show up and put the time in, my faults will slowly begin to correct themselves. With each class I attend and put forth effort, an ugly gray feather falls away. Although it will take many years, I know that I too could one day emerge from the waters a beautiful graceful swan. It is this slow and sometimes painful process of self fault recognition that can foster a sense of empathy and humility along your journey. Although this bitter banana peel is awfully hard to swallow, I can't help but wonder what I would have looked like two years ago doing the exact same tsuburi I was doing in this video clip. The thought of that makes me feel a tiny bit better….
So without further ado, here is the link to a few photos and the video of my disastrous youtube debut.
Despite myself, I continue to shove the banana peel in my mouth and endure the bitterness with each time I hit the "replay" button on the video. With each viewing, I am reminded just how inadequate my technique is and I seem to find something else wrong every time I watch it. I find my thoughts going from happiness to "Ugh… why did they have to put ME in the clip! Out of three days of filming, you chose THIS!?!?!" In this clip, I am mostly surrounded by yudansha who are gliding across the mats like swans on a placid lake and their bokken's are cutting through the air with the gracefulness of a sakura blossom that has leapt from the branches and is descending towards its final resting place. Then, you realize that something is pulling your attention away from all this beauty. That is when you see this ugly ducking flailing about with the grace equivalent to a cow walking on ice. That is when I realize that I am now embarrassed to be in this clip…..
Then the question is, if I'm so embarrassed, why am I blogging about it where several people will read it, potentially view the video and then comment on my disastrous debut into the youtube world? Truthfully, I don't have an answer. Am I a glutton for punishment or a martyr? I'd like to think I'm neither. Instead, I only really have one thought in my mind as I chew on this bitter banana peel "How can I improve?" I want to shikko across the mat in graceful stillness (stillness in movement that is). I want to learn to make a beautiful arcing cut that actually stops parallel to the ground instead of dropping and coming back up. I want my cut to be one free of tension and instead embrace the sense of freedom that I feel when I occasionally make a good cut. I want to have a sense of expansion and extension instead of having a compact cut that feels more like its contracting. I know what it is that I seek… and I know how to go about getting it.
The answer to almost any question is "Practice." or "More practice." I know that if I show up and put the time in, my faults will slowly begin to correct themselves. With each class I attend and put forth effort, an ugly gray feather falls away. Although it will take many years, I know that I too could one day emerge from the waters a beautiful graceful swan. It is this slow and sometimes painful process of self fault recognition that can foster a sense of empathy and humility along your journey. Although this bitter banana peel is awfully hard to swallow, I can't help but wonder what I would have looked like two years ago doing the exact same tsuburi I was doing in this video clip. The thought of that makes me feel a tiny bit better….
So without further ado, here is the link to a few photos and the video of my disastrous youtube debut.
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