A bit of humor

I came across this on the web and found it to be pretty funny. Thought I would inject a little bit of humor into your life. :O)

Taking it up a notch

Well, now that the test is behind me, I feel as if a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. I feel more relaxed, yet still focused. It is weird though, because it is a different kind of focus. I can’t really describe what the difference between the two is, but they are definitely different. I guess maybe the added pressure changed things. Either way, I am now ready to face new challenges and to push myself even further. Contentment is the gateway to laziness, which can lead to dormancy, which often ends with a training plateau. So, to prevent anything like this from happening, I have been making short term goals that will help me attain my long term goals. I can’t quite go into details as to what my goals are at the moment though, because I am still in the process of defining them. At some point though, they will be posted in a blog because I find that seeing them helps me put them into action easier then just thinking about them. Well, that is enough about that, let me get back to class.

Tuesday’s class started off a little laid back. We did our usual warm-ups, then sensei had us work on rocking back (backwards ukemi from sitting) and then had us rock side to side so we would end up slapping with our hand and foot like we just landed from a breakfall. Sensei was explaining how important this was incase you are thrown into a breakfall and he then explained that if nage holds you up off the mat as you land, this will force you to take a breakfall. He then looked at me and held out his right wrist. I had no idea what he wanted me to do, (all I knew was that I was going to end up in a breakfall) so I just grabbed with my left hand. I see him begin to turn and I follow him. Next thing I know, I am flipping in the air and land in a breakfall. I’m not really sure how I got there; all I know is that he held me up off the floor. One thing I do know is that I landed rather nicely, which is always nice when he is using me to make a point or demonstrate something. I’m guessing this mini-session was geared towards the current 2nd kyu’s; as the yudansha should know this and us 5th kyu’s don’t really take breakfalls. After this, class began to raise in difficulty.

The 2nd kyu’s are going to test for 1st kyu soon (either around Thanksgiving or around Christmas), so now sensei has begun gearing classes more towards them. He told us point black on Tuesday night that this class was for those testing for 1st kyu. Most of the people in class were okay with the techniques because they were either 2nd kyu or yudansha; however there were three 5th kyu’s in class. Because of that, the class was definitely challenging for us lower rankers. The techniques themselves weren’t really that hard, but instead of being stagnant, we were told to be dynamic and to keep uke on the move constantly via the use of circles or figure eights. Though the class was a bit over my head, I found myself having fun. Instead of hurrying along, I tried to go slow, yet maintain the fluidity that was being asked of me. I’m not so sure I was successful, as I found myself stopping at times, but I wasn’t breaking the technique down as much I do sometimes. Some of the techniques we did were: Kaitenage, ikkyo, nikyo, kokyuho and perhaps a few other things.

There was also a potential new student who was also there watching class. At the end of class, while we were doing suwariwaza kokyuho, sensei went over and talked to her. I overheard him tell her (we were right next to them on the mat) that if she were to join class, the class wouldn’t be this advanced. He explained that there were no beginner’s in the class at this moment and that the typical beginner’s classes aren’t usually like this. I’m not really sure if she is going to come back or not. It would be interesting having another female around. I’m the only female student that comes on a regular basis. Truth be told though, it is kind of nice being the only female. Working with guys is a lot of fun!

Last night was an interesting evening. I was the only student who showed up for the first hour of class. Sensei asked me if it would be okay if we only trained for a half hour and then cleaned the dojo the rest of class (we have a seminar/workshop this weekend). I told him it wouldn’t be a problem. He had me grab a bokken and we worked on conditioning, cutting, as well as draws. He gave me a few things that I need to watch and told me of a few things I could do at home or in the dojo in front of the mirror. It was really nice to have his undivided attention. He watched me carefully and told me when my angles were a little off, or that I needed to turn my hips a bit more or a bit less. The rest of the class I was downstairs washing dishes and cleaning up the kitchen area. I don’t really see a problem with that either. As a student, I should be more then willing to help with the upkeep of the dojo. As a board member, it is also my responsibility to help prepare for things such as this workshop with Shozo Sato Sensei on Saturday. So, the way I see it, I have double the responsibility and am more then willing to do my fair share of things around the dojo. Over the years, I have come to realize that you not only have to show respect towards your sensei and your fellow students, but you also have to have respect for the dojo. Luckily for me, I have understood this concept from the time I was a white belt in aikijitsu, so I don’t have problems with it like some other people do.

For the second hour of class, one other student showed up (yudansha). After our warm-ups, sensei had us do katadori ikkyo (omote & ura), nikyo (omote & ura) and sankyo (omote & ura) from suwariwaza. About ten minutes into class, sensei told us that unfortunately he had to go home to elevate and ice his knee as it was spasming very badly. Sensei asked us to stay and work on nikyo and sankyo (ura & omote) from various attacks. So, we worked on both from standing from katadori, shomenuchi and yokomenuchi attacks for the remainder of the class. I haven’t really done nikyo and sankyo too often in class, as we tend to do ikkyo, iriminage, kokyuho and shihonage the most, so it was nice to work on techniques that I am absolutely atrocious with. I don’t think it is a coincidence that he has me working on nikyo and sankyo all of the sudden as they are on the 4th kyu test. I have no clue when he wants me, my husband and possibly the two other 5th kyu’s (who tested in March) to test for 4th kyu, but I am hoping it isn’t anytime soon. I would really like to get a better grasp of the things on the 4th kyu test and I would like to improve upon the techniques I was just tested on last week. I’m hoping that it isn’t until sometime next year, but I guess you never really know what is going through a sensei’s mind…….

Testing Your Metal (Mettle)

I thought I would post this essay my sensei wrote several years ago. I had read it once before, but when I read it the day before I took my first test in aikido, it had a whole new meaning. It really helped me put things in perspective and I figured it may be just the thing someone else needs to read. Enjoy!


Testing Your Metal (Mettle)
Darrell Bluhm, Chief Instructor, Siskiyou Aikikai, Ashland,Oregon

The most critical phase in making a sword is when the sword is heat treated or quenched. This is the stage in which the curvature of the blade and hardening of the cutting edge are established, and resiliency of the blade reinforced. The process involves coating the blade with clay in a prescribed fashion (thickest toward the back, thinnest along the cutting edge), then heating the blade to a critical temperature and plunging it into water. The differential rate of cooling of the metal that happens due to the varying thickness of clay creates the curvature of the blade and hardens the edge while maintaining a softness and toughness in the remaining part of the blade. This event is the make it or break it point in the sword making process.

At the moment the blade is quenched all of the hours of smelting and forging and shaping that have gone into the metal can be lost, because the blade can break if the smith errs in judging the temperature (too hot) or has inadequately forged the metal. The blade may survive the quench but the curvature desired may not result due to error in temperature (not hot enough) or in applying the clay. The critical nature of this event cannot be underestimated. Swordsmith Michael Bell asserts that the moment of quenching is when the sword takes on its character or soul. It is a moment of truth in the life of the sword that brings together all the elemental forces: Metal, Water, Wood, Fire, and Earth.

The testing process in Aikido bears parallels with the quenching of a sword. As described above, the moment of quenching tests the swordsmith's skill and the strength of the metal's forging . While there are opportunities to confirm the quality of a student's training in the context of daily practice, there is particular opportunity in kyu and dan examination to assess the student's forging process as well as the teacher's skill in transmitting the technical elements of Aikido. The quenching of a sword occurs once in the life of the sword while an Aikido student will mark their progress with many tests and each one can have a formative impact on the student's development. The failure of a sword to survive the quenching process is a much more definitive failure than failing a kyu or dan exam. If the blade cracks the metal must be scrapped and the process begun anew. Failure of an exam, however, does not necessitate seppuku . Both events invite scrutiny to determine the cause of the failure. The sword of course has no means for self-examination, so the reflection is the responsibility of the smith. However, both student and teacher must account for their responsibility in the success or failure of an examination.

The ability to evaluate a kyu or dan test is not based on as concrete a set of criteria as with the sword, it is by nature subjective and complex. The swordsmith must develop the skill to prepare the blade (forge, shape, apply clay, heat to the specific temperature) to enter the water and emerge transformed (from undifferentiated, straight piece of forged steel to a curved, edge hardened, tough bodied blade ready to be polished). The teacher of Aikido must develop the skill to prepare students to meet the challenge of a testing situation and emerge enriched from the experience, sometimes through passing, sometimes by not passing.

As quenching the sword is a make it our break it moment in the making of the sword, the experience of participating in and passing or failing a kyu or dan test can be critical to a student's (and teacher's) development. The responsibility to recognize the readiness of a student for testing is a shared responsibility of teacher and student, yet there are times the teacher must encourage or discourage testing to serve the needs of a student's training process. Over the years that I have conducted tests in my own dojo and participated as a member of the teaching committee for the USAF Western Region, I have come to appreciate the opportunity for growth that testing can provide as well as gained respect for hazards inherent in testing. The decision to take a test, which is based in part on the number of training hours accrued, is not a simple consideration. Acknowledging a break-through in a student's practice can sometimes be best accomplished by creating the opportunity for them to test. At times, when I have not created that opportunity, a student has remained frozen in their progress or given up their practice altogether. At other times, students have tested prematurely and the ensuing frustration or discouragement has led to a rift in their training. This is similar in nature to recognizing when the metal is at the right temperature to plunge into the water. If the metal is too hot the blade breaks, if it is not hot enough, nothing happens.

Preparation for examinations is the shared responsibility of the teacher, students and senior members in the dojo. One of the most valuable benefits of conducting tests in one's dojo is that it fosters conditions for free practice and a deeper exchange amongst senior and junior students. It is important to make clear that advancement in rank in Aikido brings increased responsibility for the care of others in the dojo. One important way that care is expressed is through helping one's juniors and peers train in preparation for testing.

If I observe a student mistaking advancement in rank as a means for increased privilege rather than responsibility, I may use the testing situation to adjust their attitude. Technical proficiency is not the primary determinant in success or failure in the testing process (although it is an important factor). The test can expose strengths and weakness in levels of conditioning, attention to space, sensitivity to others and important qualities of character. The evaluation of any test must be predicated on seeing the individual student in light of their strengths and challenges and not by means of comparison with others or a rigid ideal. Factors of age, personal history, contribution to the care of the community and dojo and commitment to training are important considerations in evaluating an individual's test and promotion in rank. Of course, individuals that are testing for rank that are also actively teaching or seeking to become teachers must be evaluated by stricter standards.

The function of testing in Aikido must be understood relative to two domains, that of the individual within the art and that of the art within which the individual practices. Testing should serve the individual and serve the art. One expression of a spiritual perspective is gratitude for the past, service to the present and responsibility to the future. The student's struggle to perfect the forms that have been passed on to them honors the efforts of O-Sensei and countless individuals whose lives have contributed to the development of Aikido. In the present, testing serves participants as an opportunity for learning under more intense conditions than in daily practice. In that testing is both reflective and rigorous, it addresses our responsibility to the future of Aikido, providing a means to maintain high standards for the transmission of the art.

The transmission of any art is dependent on a vital teacher-student connection and the testing process must affirm that link. The teacher-student relationship exists within a community of dojo, organization of affiliation and ultimately the whole Aikido community. The ranking process must reflect the reciprocal accountability that exists between members of a community. Testing is always a very personal experience and by necessity public, and both aspects should be acknowledged. Aikido testing brings together all the elements of human relationship; relationship to past, present and future, as well as relationship to self, teacher and community.

© Darrell Bluhm 1998

Journey to 5th Kyu

Started Aikido: March 3, 2009
Date 5th kyu obtained: November 5, 2009
Number of students tested: 4 (2 males, 2 females)
Number of students passed: 4
Number of uke’s utilized: 2 (switched uke’s half way through test)
Techniques on 5th kyu exam: (may not be all inclusive)
~ Katatedori ai hanmi- ikkyo (omote & ura), shihonage (omote & ura), iriminage,
~ Katatedori gyaku hanmi- uchi & soto kaitenage, iriminage, kokyuho
~ Katadori- ikkyo (suwariwaza- omote & ura)
~ Ryotedori- kokyuho (suwariwaza)
~ Shomenuchi- ikkyo (suwariwaza- omote & ura)

Number of Aikido classes attended: 119
Total hours trained in Aikido: 159.5
Total hours trained in Iaido: 46
Total hours trained in Tai Chi: 26
Most hours trained in one week: 7 ½ (Aikido), 10 ½ (Total)
Most hours trained in one month: 27 (Aikido), 41 (Total)
Number of journal entries: 39
New equipment obtained/purchased:
~ Gi
~ Bokken with saya
~ Iai obi
~ Hakama (borrowed from sensei)

5th Kyu Test

Well, today I had my test for 5th kyu. I was a bit nervous, but I kept telling myself I had no reason to be. Sensei had the four of us line up and then had our ukes line up behind us. I was glad to see that my uke was someone that I have gotten to know a lot better lately since we have been giving him rides to class. This person has helped me a lot in class and I am glad that they were part of my test. Sensei had us start of with suwariwaza katadori ikkyo and shomenuchi ikkyo.

We then moved to standing techniques. We did shihonage, iriminage, kokyuho, uchi and soto kaitenage and ikkyo. We did a couple of these from different attacks as well. I felt pretty good with the terminology and I didn't really have to take the time to think about what technique was being asked of me. I tried my best to remain centered and keep everything I had been told over the past months in my head, but I know that I wasn't able to remember everything. I guess I was a bit naive, but I thought that we would only be doing the technique four times. I was wrong! We did each of the techniques several times (which makes sense since sensei had to watch four of us).

Not too long into the test, I had begun to run my poor uke ragged! He was breathing pretty hard and I just kept putting him into more kaitenage's since that was what we were doing. I saw he was breathing hard and I attempted to slow the throw down, but you can only do so much. Finally, sensei looked over at us and said "You two can sit down while I watch the others." At this point, sensei had us change uke's. I guess to see if uke was making a difference in the way we were doing things. We ended the test with suwariwaza ryotedori kokyuho.

Eventually sensei had us line back up. He then had us do some other techniques with the rest of the class: morotedori kaitenage and ryotedori tenchinage and kokyuho again. He came around and helped people and answered questions that they had. I don't know if he was watching us more or if he just wanted us to get more practice in (since we were having class until 7)

After that, he had us line up again to prepare to bow out. He told us that testing is an individual event and that you cannot compare two people against one another, let alone two people's tests. He said that he looked at where you started and where you are when you test. At this point, I thought to myself "Uh oh.... someone or multiple people did not pass the test. He then went on to tell us a few more things before he had us sit and meditate. I had too many thoughts in my head to meditate. Instead, I prayed. I was convinced that I didn't pass and I prayed for the strength to deal with this failure, the composure to deal with it, the ability to get over it and continue to train and more importantly, I prayed that I would be happy for my husband.

Sensei then told us that everyone had passed. Whew! A feeling of relief swept over me. He then said "We have a lot of work to do." He didn't go into detail about what needs to be fixed, but I am hoping that sometime in the near future I will be able to get some feedback from him. We all gathered into a circle and bowed to thank eachother. After, several people came up to congratulate us and I got hugs from a few people. I also made sure to sincerely thank my uke's (who probably made me look better then I was).

As I was about to walk out of the dojo, one of my sempai (sandan) lightly hit me a few times and motioned me over to a corner. I walked over. He told me that I had a good test and that the basic fundamentals that were being looked for were there. He told me to keep up the good work and continue training. That really meant a lot to me because he is one of the people there I admire. His aikido is so fluid and effortless. That was the best compliment that I received tonight in my opinion.

After the test, sensei, his wife, their two sons and the four of us who tested all went out for pizza. It was a great way to end the night. Good pizza, cold beer, relaxing atmosphere and great conversation. It was nice to chat and get to know everyone a bit better. At one point, testing came up during dinner. I asked sensei "Well, we won't have to test again for a while right?" Sensei looked at me and my husband and said "You two are close to testing for 4th kyu." YIKES! We just took a test and another is on the way!?!

As we walked of the restaurant, sensei asked us how we felt we did. I hesitated for a moment and then said I thought I did okay. Howard then went on to give his opinions on how he felt. All in all, the test really wasn't so bad. Once the test began, I was so focused on what I was doing that I wasn't nervous anymore. It was just me and my uke. No sensei, no other students testing and no students sitting out watching me test. As far as I'm concerned, my uke and I were in that dojo all by ourselves. Now as I sit here on my couch, I can't help but try to remember all the details. I try, but I just can't. I guess I am just mentally exhausted at this point. Time to recharge my batteries!

Darkness

Imagine being in a room you are somewhat familiar with. You have a general idea of where things are and you could go and get something if someone asked it of you. Now, imagine that same scenario, except the room is pitch black. You can no longer see the room well enough to navigate; you have lost your sense of direction. You are left with nothing but your memory, which you just can't seem to recall with much clarity. All you have is what little muscle memory you have from walking around that room from time to time. This is how I feel with my 5th kyu exam a day away. I have never had to grade before. In all my previous years of training, I never tested. The rank was awarded to you when they though you earned it.

::cue dream sequence:: The one time I had to test was for a patch. You had to go out in front of the entire dojo by yourself and do a kata (Shaolin Strike Kata #1). Once you finished, the class, one by one then told you what you did wrong. Once everyone gave their opinions, my teacher would then decide if you had earned the patch. I was a green belt at this time and this was the very first kata I had learned. So, I had been doing this kata for over a year. I pretty much knew this kata in and out. I could do it forward, backward and if you called out a number (there were 21 moves), I could easily do that move without thought. In fact, I had already performed this kata alone in front of everyone in the past without a problem. The fact that I was being tested changed everything! My confidence in my abilities suddenly flew out the window. I was nervous and my memory completely left me. If it weren't for me being able to do the kata without thinking about it, I probably would have just stood there in the ready position staring at my sensei. Turns out, I did just fine and I didn't get any negative feedback at all. I passed and received my patch. They complimented me on how well I did and that I showed great composure. The truth is, I was shaking in my gi! I was so scared that my body was still shaking even when the second hour of class had begun! ::dream sequence over::

At this moment, if you were to ask me to do a given technique for my upcoming exam, I would be able to do it. My technique wouldn't be perfect (which is expected), but I could do it. The problem is, I just can't help but think back to how I felt testing for that patch. That was just one kata and I had been doing that kata for over a year. I have not been doing all these techniques I'm being tested on for over a year. I'm afraid that when the test comes, it will be as if someone turns out the lights and the somewhat familiar suddenly seems so unfamiliar. I'm afraid that I will be fumbling around in the dark, stubbing my toe while looking for the light switch. I have never been fond of the dark. I have always said "I am not afraid of the dark, I'm afraid of the things I can't see in the dark." Part of this comes from growing up with crazy people living across the street (I'm talking about- someone chasing another person through my yard with a sledge hammer- kind of crazy) and knowing that someone was raped down the street from me (Note- I actually lived in a nice rural area with corn and soybean fields all around me and this stuff wasn't the norm, but it still made me cautious).

All past events aside, I guess what it really boils down to is that I simply do not trust myself enough. I don't have the confidence in my techniques. If I felt that way after a year of doing a kata, how am I going to feel on this test? We don't do those techniques every day and I certainly am not competent with those techniques. I do not know them inside and out. Heck, I don't really know them at all. The techniques and I are not friends; we are acquaintances. You know- the type where you know their name and a bit about them, but you don't really know all the details. Then a voice in the back of my mind tries to calm me down. It says "Believe. Believe that you are stronger then you give yourself credit for. Believe that your sensei wouldn't ask you to test if you weren't ready. Believe in yourself!" I take a deep breathe and a sense of serenity takes over, if but for a moment. And that is when I realized something. Sure, I have never graded in martial arts, but I have been pushed to my limits and tested countless times throughout my life. I guess the thing I have come to realize is this: when your back is up against the wall or your face is in the mud, keep pushing, keep fighting, because you never know how close you are to conquering whatever it may be that is stopping you (even if it is yourself).

A spoonful of humility

I used to think of myself as a fairly humble person. It wasn't so much as something I strived to be, but more like something that was part of me. Part of my modesty may be due to the fact that I am overly critical of myself and I often see the mistakes I have made along the way. Part of it could also be the way I was brought up. I didn't have the best childhood, but it could have been worse. At least my parents loved me, fed me and put a roof over my head. I wasn't being physically abused and I had an amazing brother and grandparents that meant the world to me. In fact, I wouldn't be who I am today if it weren't for them and I will be forever grateful for that.

My parents were not the best of role models. Well, they were role models, but in the way that they showed me what I didn't want to become. Unfortunately, I haven't left behind all the bad habits I was accustomed to while growing up. I am overly critical of myself to the point that I have little to no self confidence. I expect excellence from myself and when I don't achieve it, I really put myself down. I remember one time in high school I brought home a 99 in science and they asked me why I didn't get a 100. I remember one time telling my mom that I wanted to go to college. Her reply was "You aren't going to college." Well, I decided apply to college anyway, it wasn't like I had bad grades or anything. I sat down and filled out a single application to the school I desperately wanted to go to…. and waited. Finally, the day came when I received a phone call telling me that I was accepted! I remember being so happy and I went and told my mom. I expected her to share my joy, but she didn't. Her reply shattered me; she stated "Just because you got accepted doesn't mean you are going."

My happiness faded away like smoke floating up into the sky. I tried in vain to grasp onto my happiness again, but like smoke, it slipped through my fingers. After being crushed, I went to my room feeling completely hopeless. My dreams of being a better person had been dashed. Then it came to me, I had decided that I had had enough of my mother telling me what I couldn't be or do. I then set out to figure out a way to put myself through college. It wouldn't be easy, but it could be done. The only way I was able to go was with student loans, but at least I was going. Four years later, I graduated. I remember my mom and my boyfriend being at my graduation (my dad couldn't be there). She told me how proud she was of me and bragged to all those who would listen. To be honest, that just annoyed me even more. She didn't help me get to where I was, but she would sure enough take the credit for it. That same year, I went to grad school and two years later, I graduated with my master's degree. This time, my mother, father, brother and fiancé were there. Again, my parent's told me how proud they were of me, yadda, yadda, yadda. This time though, I think they more or less meant it. I think they began to realize that I had made a conscious effort to break the mold and make myself a better person.

Another one of my faults is that sometimes I diminish my accomplishments to the point of being rude to others. I have always been very competitive and I have always strived for the perfection that seemed to be lacking in my life. For instance, I got second in the state for a competition that I did in high school. Instead of being proud of how well I did, all I could see was that I didn't get the gold…. All I had was a silver medal. It didn't help that my brother had won the gold medal when he entered the same competition when he was in high school. It just so happened that we were interested in the same things, so I often followed in his footsteps. When people congratulated me, instead of simply saying "Thank you." all I could muster up was "I really didn't do that well. I am the first place loser." That usually led to an awkward silence before the topic got changed. Luckily for me, I have since become a more gracious loser and a more eloquent speaker.

There are a few events that have changed me; made me who I am today. The first one would be starting martial arts. Little by little, bit by bit, it helped me come out of my shell. I gained self confidence and began to find worth in myself and what I had to contribute to others. By the time I climbed the ranks to purple belt and beyond, I realized that I had gained a sense of empathy and benevolence. I found it amazing how easily I was able to empathize with those white belts who were struggling to make things work because I remembered with such clarity how I felt at that stage of training. It was also those same white belts that led me to realize exactly how far I had come.

The second event was my four years in undergraduate. It was there that I began to find my voice. I was able really figure out who I was and I wasn't ashamed of myself anymore. Sure, I was still overly critical of myself, but that habit will unfortunately never leave me. I did things that I never thought I was capable of: I became a student representative of the college and spoke at open houses, I became head of women and was in charge of 200 students for fall orientation, I became an RA my senior year, I tried out and made the varsity tennis team my senior year after only playing for 3 months and so much more. Those four years taught me that I am capable of doing things above and beyond what I ever thought was possible.

Another event would be marrying my husband. He showed me that despite my faults, I am worth loving. I may not be worth much to other people, but to him, I am worth vowing love and loyalty to. I am worth enough for him to want to spend the rest of our lives together. To me, that really hit home and it made me stop and think. Maybe, just maybe, I am not as ugly as I often see myself. Maybe there is more to me then this dying need to seek out perfection. Maybe I am capable of being a good wife and am able to make my loving husband happy. Maybe I can let go of all the things I am not in control of and accept and love myself for who I am... and finally be happy. Okay, so I can't quite do that last one yet, but I am getting there. At least I have moments where I can look in the mirror and say "I look pretty right now!" Those don't happen too often, but they happen more often then they used to.

Perhaps the most recent event that has changed my life is the world of aikido. After 4 years of part time training (I was away at college) and 3 years of not training at all (more college and moving cross country for my new job), I have stepped back into the world of martial arts. This time, instead of wearing a black gi with a black belt tied around my waist, I step onto the mats wearing a white gi and a white belt. I had gone from one extreme to the other. I was no longer a person to be looked at for guidance. I was no longer the example. I no longer knew what I was talking about and I certainly don't know what I am doing. All of my previous training went out the window and I was once again reminded of what it is like to be a beginner. One would think that a change such as this might be hard to swallow, but for me it wasn't so bad.

Sure, I don't really like being the lost student all over again, but amazingly enough; it has made me see things in a different light. It's like I am reading the same book over again, but this time I have a completely different outlook on it. I thought I was humble before, but this has taught me that I have much to learn. I have since realized that I could do with another helping of humility. Instead of being resentful of this dish, I happily pick up my spoon and take tiny helpings of humility with each class I take. Sometimes my helping of humility is a bit more then what I would like, but it makes me stop and analyze the situation instead of taking something for granted.

Though I found myself a beginner all over again, things were a little different this time around. First off, I had my husband by my side. I know that I am not alone in this journey and am happy to be training with the man I love. Secondly, I have been in this position before. I know what to expect, though that doesn't stop me from wanting to pick things up quicker then I am. Finally, I know that I am capable of accomplishing goals when I set my mind to it. This journey may not be easy, but I have the faith and confidence that I didn't have before. I know that I can climb this mountain and though I may never get to the top, I think I am going to enjoy this lifelong journey.

In the end, I have come to realize many things, but perhaps the one that stands out the most is that I am not as humble as I once thought. The fact that I have come to this realization is the first step of finding it again. Though I seek humility, it is not the goal of my journey. The goal of my journey is to learn more about myself, conquer my inner demons, share a common interest (and the joy that comes with it) with my husband and perhaps make friends along the way. I am looking for yet another way to enrich my life. Hopefully, somewhere along the way I will find humility once again. Until then, I will continue to take my daily spoonful of humility and if it does come hard to swallow, at least I will have a loving husband to help me cope. If all else fails, then maybe I will seek out Mary Poppins and ask for a spoonful of sugar!